Mercy Killing, Suicide End Father’s Plight : Dilemma: Older Americans often worry about what will happen to their mentally retarded children.

Failing eyesight, anemia and a bum knee already made caring for the mentally retarded daughter he treasured increasingly difficult for Benny Bielawski.

Recently doctors at a Pittsburgh hospital told the 72-year-old retired steelworker he also had life-threatening colon cancer.

Bielawski checked himself out of the hospital, and a day later he fatally shot his 47-year-old daughter, Judy. Then he killed himself.

The father and daughter were buried together.

“Benny looked after Judy real special,” said neighbor Manuel S. Stoupis. “I guess he felt like nobody could look after her like he did.”

Bielawski was not alone in his fear.

Older Americans often worry about what will happen to their mentally retarded children, and the parents are reluctant to seek help, according to Sharon Davis, research director of the Assn. for Retarded Citizens.

“This was an extreme measure. We’ve never seen a situation like this in my 12 years here,” said Maria Smith of Pittsburgh, an Allegheny County human services official.

No one knows how many of the up to 5.2 million mentally retarded Americans live with elderly parents.

After his convalescent wife died in 1981, Bielawski was his daughter’s sole caretaker. Another adult daughter lived across the state in Allentown, Stoupis said.

Stoupis and his wife cut the lawn and did minor maintenance for the father and daughter. They often brought meals for the two.

Cheerful and observant, Judy Bielawski was well known in the working-class Port Vue neighborhood near Pittsburgh.

She enjoyed waving to passers-by from her porch. Stoupis said Judy Bielawski’s weight and a fear of falling down stairs made it difficult for her to get around. But she took pride in doing simple household chores.

After Bielawski retired, he and his daughter were rarely separated. Her speech was often unintelligible to others, but her father was one of the few who understood her, the neighbor said.

Once a week the two went grocery shopping. They ate dinner three nights a week at a neighborhood restaurant.

“It was like clockwork with them,” Stoupis said.

For years, Bielawski drove his daughter to classes in nearby McKeesport. But heavy snows last winter kept them home and she never returned to school.

During the last year, Bielawski’s eyesight deteriorated dramatically and pain in his knee became worse.

“Benny was sort of proud and independent,” Stoupis said. “As far as asking for help, he didn’t like to do it.”

But Bielawski might have been able to avert the crisis that led to the deaths, Smith said.

County health workers could have helped Bielawski contact other elderly parents for emotional support. The county also might have sent counselors and health workers to Bielawski’s home.

Bielawski also might have been able to place his daughter temporarily in a foster home or in a group home with other retarded adults.

But Smith said spaces in group homes are limited. More than 63,000 mentally disabled adults are waiting for placement nationwide. Six hundred alone are waiting in Allegheny County, Smith said.

Stoupis and his wife said they did what they could to help the Bielawskis. But they were frustrated that it wasn’t enough.

“There’s more to being a good neighbor than saying hello,” he said.