Mr. Sandman: The insults were flying at...


Mr. Sandman: The insults were flying at the Southern California Sports Broadcasters Assn. meeting the other day. After telling a couple of long-winded jokes, emcee Jim Gillis introduced Dr. Joe Riggio, an anesthesiologist who was attending as a guest.

“Dr. Riggio put me to sleep a few months ago,” Gillis said on a serious note.

“And now you’re returning the favor,” cracked former Times columnist Don Page.


Pulpit Fiction: Just when you thought every crime novel genre had been taken--there are detective stories featuring everyone from rabbis and cats to gay insurance adjusters--along comes Wally Davis with another.

Davis’ “Suspended Animation” has no graphic violence or sex. And the strongest expletive used is “jerk.” It’s a Christian murder mystery.


“The idea is that people who go into a Christian bookstore will know my book doesn’t contain gratuitous violence or explicit sexual scenes,” said Davis, a detective with the La Palma Police Department in Orange County. “It’s possible to tell a good story without that stuff.”

His protagonist is ex-cop Gil Beckman, a security guard for a Southland amusement park who discovers the body of a murdered employee.

The novel contains several references to religion, but they are often leavened with humor. Discussing one Christian colleague, for instance, Beckman says: “He ate a lot of chocolate bars. Food abuse is common in Christian circles. It’s an acceptable sin. Overeating is the only thing they can do without guilt.”

What the heck.


Drop that pitchfork!But enough about God. Let’s move on to the Devil, who was, in fact, arrested earlier this week near the Lincoln Boulevard off-ramp of the Santa Monica Freeway, after allegedly shaking a 6-foot-long pitchfork at passing cars.

“He had horns and a tail,” reported Santa Monica Police Sgt. Gary Gallinot. “And he was wearing a red wet suit that made it appear he was naked--with pubic hair and chest nipples showing, and a penis in the appropriate place.”

The freeway Lucifer identified himself as a UCLA graduate student who was performing in a film project called “The Devil Tour ’94.”


He was cited for walking on the freeway and filming without a permit, as were a cameraman and a crew driver, who were dressed as humans.

Upon leaving the station, the dehorned star refused comment, telling one reporter: “The devil’s not talking.”


Don’t drive on empty: Cliff Dektar tipped us to a merchant’s sign off Franklin Avenue in Hollywood that claims it can make the freeway commute less hellish.

miscelLAny John De Paolo, the principal of Cheviot Hills High in West L.A., received a form to nominate a school nurse of the year--or, as the title was abbreviated, “SNOTY.” Pass the Kleenex.