HOLLYWOOD : AIDS Patients Learn Hope Is a Key to Handling Virus

After Danny Delgado, 32, tested positive for the AIDS virus in 1989, he thought he would never be loved again.

“I thought it was a death sentence,” said Delgado, a gay man who believes he was infected during unprotected sex.

His initial reaction was disbelief after a routine physical exam led to an AIDS test and an HIV-positive result. Rather than wallow in depression, Delgado immersed himself in his work as a sales clerk aboard a cruise ship. But after two years of trying to ignore that he had the deadly virus, his health began to decline.

It was then that Delgado realized the gravity of his illness and sank into a depression. “I alienated myself from other people,” said Delgado, who now has AIDS. “I slept a lot, I didn’t go out. I cried constantly. I felt condemned.”

Tired and withdrawn, Delgado decided to do something about it. Through his doctor, he was referred to the People for Positive Living Seminar sponsored by the Hollywood-based L.A. Shanti, a nonprofit support and education agency for people affected by or infected with HIV/AIDS. The organization’s name is derived from a Sanskrit expression for inner peace through understanding.

For the first time since his diagnosis, Delgado saw that he was not alone. He met heterosexual women and men who were HIV-positive. “I discovered that it is not just gay people who have this disease,” said the West Los Angeles resident.

Eve Rubell, director of health education at L.A. Shanti, said the purpose of the seminar, created in 1989, is to provide people with a sense of community. The next session of the free weekend seminars, held about six months apart, begins Friday.

“The seminar (works at) breaking down the isolation so that people do not feel so alone,” Rubell said. About 3,298 people were served by the Shanti last year, according to the agency’s annual report.

For Delgado, living with the human immunodeficiency virus was a secret he kept from his co-workers and his family. At the seminar, Delgado befriended a woman who persuaded him to inform his family of his infection. He expected the worst but was pleasantly surprised. “I told my mother over the phone. I didn’t have the nerve to tell her in person. So I said, ‘Mom, are you sitting down?’ and I told her I was HIV-positive,” Delgado said. “She was hurt that I didn’t tell her sooner.”

The weekend seminar provides participants with a medical overview of the virus and advice on medical insurance, public benefits, nutrition and health. It also offers support groups to discuss the emotional toll of the disease.

“We encourage people to take care of themselves and their lives and how to proceed with self-care. We want people to leave the weekend (seminar) more in control of their lives rather than the HIV being in control,” Rubell said.

Delgado says the seminar enabled him to recapture his sense of worth and dignity. AIDS, he says, is a disease that “rapes you of your self-esteem.”

Although taking up to six different medications, Delgado is active once again, dating, speaking to college students on the dangers of unprotected sex and volunteering at the L.A. Shanti. He says he has nothing to hide anymore and, though it is difficult, he is coming to grips with his own mortality.

He sees silence as a bigger threat than the disease itself, and loss of hope as the enemy.

“I (realized that) I really don’t have to give up. You can fight this disease,” he said. “And people are willing to support you in your fight.”

For information on the seminar: (213) 962-8197.