St.Clair No Longer Making a Career Out of Bachelorhood

In the past year, the loneliness of his job had begun to overwhelm Carl St.Clair, music director of the Pacific Symphony.

“Traveling seven or eight months out of the year, living most of my life out of a suitcase, feeling sometimes like my own home was more foreign than the last hotel I stayed in, I began to see myself as an individual with a spirit that was in some ways dwindling,” St.Clair said during a recent interview at his waterfront Laguna Beach condominium.

There is relief on the 42-year-old conductor’s face when he shares this. It is as if he is glad to finally confess it.

“Oh, it’s all very illustrious and alluring to go to this country and that” to conduct, he said, “to fly off here, fly off there, but basically, you’re alone.

“I began to realize that I didn’t have life experiences, only musical experiences, career experiences.

“That isn’t life, you know? . . . My career was controlling me.”

And so he began to be open to the concept of having a wife. He had always thought that a lifelong commitment to another person would threaten his career. So he carefully avoided marriage and became known as a confirmed bachelor.

“I was always afraid that if I let someone really come into my life, my musical career would diminish--it would take energy away from it, hone in on my time,” he said as he stood on a balcony that overlooks the sea.

But the loneliness, and the thought that “if I want to play ball with one of my children, I’d better do something” nagged at him.

Moving last summer into his dream condo was a turning point. When he started to form new friendships, enjoy the sunsets, St.Clair felt an exhilaration that helped ease his fear of commitment.

“I had felt drawn to Laguna Beach, its artistic atmosphere, its friendly people, its wonderful sense of community, for some time,” said St.Clair, who also has a home in Turtle Rock. “When I came here, I thought, ‘I could meet someone here.’ ”

*

Enter Susan Cunningham, 29, the youngest of 10 children. On that day last August when she met the man who would three months later become her fiance, she had been sunning on the beach, visiting her brother Mark, who also has a condominium in the complex where St.Clair lives.

“There I was, hair in a ponytail, fresh off the beach watching television in my brother’s place when he comes up and tells me he has someone he wants me to meet,” said Cunningham, who lives in Moreno Valley in Riverside County. “I thought, ‘Don’t! I’m a mess.’ ” And in walked St.Clair.

Later that night, they, and some of Susan’s friends, enjoyed a beachside barbecue, “and we’ve been dating ever since,” says Cunningham, a two-carat Tiffany-cut diamond sparkling on her left hand.

“She is, first of all, a real, honest person,” said St.Clair. “And she is the first person that I feel I can tell anything.”

Cunningham appreciated St.Clair’s compassion and sensitivity.

“When we met, my sister was having some serious medical problems, and Carl was so caring and showed such empathy,” she said.

When her brother told her St.Clair’s age, “she thought I was too old,” St.Clair said, laughing.

Cunningham replied: “Well, I was only 28 at the time. And now that you have shaved your beard, you look 35.”

*

During their few months as a couple, St.Clair has “become deeper as an artist,” he said. “I’ve found that when you meet the right person, you realize not only do they help you, but they add to you. Mostly, I just love the way I am when I’m with her.”

He admits he is nervous about Cunningham’s reaction to his “concert moods.”

“The roughest times for couples in music happen before and after concerts,” he said. “Somebody is being left out. I know this from past relationships.

“So, we’ve talked a lot about what my moods are, my emotions, during those times. My last opening night, she did terrific, marvelous. I took Susan backstage.

“On the second night, she stayed backstage. I wanted her to know what’s going on there, what I’m doing, how they get me out of my room, exactly what I am going through.”

Cunningham has learned, she said, that during concert time it is important for her not to want attention, to allow him to have it all. “I need to be understanding that this is his creative time, the time when he doesn’t need to be putting out attention to someone else.

“When you love somebody, there has to be compromise. You say to yourself, ‘Now is not my time to need something.’ ”

They became engaged on Nov. 16 in a vast rococo cathedral in Ottobeuren, Germany, where St.Clair arranged for a Catholic priest to bless them and the ring.

“I am very sentimental,” St.Clair said. The priest also blessed the gold religious medal that Cunningham wears on a chain around her neck. “It’s our medal now,” he said. “I wear it during concerts. She wears it the rest of the time.”

They are unsure of when they will marry. Just mention a wedding date, and they both begin to laugh.

“My schedule makes it so difficult,” St.Clair said. “Susan asks what dates are possible--Catholics like to marry on a Saturday, you know--and I have to tell her, between now and whenever I have only two Saturdays available.”

For now, they’re keeping their wedding plans under wraps.

“We’ll announce it after it has happened,” St.Clair said.