The Naked Truth: Nielsen’s Rating of Golf Is a Centerfold

Excerpts in the April edition of Playboy magazine from actor-comedian Leslie Nielsen’s “Stupid Little Golf Book” included:

Ball position: “To me, where you set up to hit a shot isn’t that big a deal. What’s much more important is where you place the ball after it disappears into the trees.

“There is only one correct position for that ball: inside your pocket.”

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Add Nielsen: The ideal foursome: “If I had an opportunity to play with a trio of outstanding individuals, but wanted to still have some fun and turn in a decent scorecard, I’d pick George Shearing, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.”

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Trivia time: Courtesy of Doug Ives: Where did Fred Couples make his professional golf debut?

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No regrets: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune on Michael Jordan’s departure from the White Sox: “Baseball would miss Jordan like the Olympics miss Eddie the Eagle.”

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Add Lincicome: “I would not pay half-price for a replacement surgeon.”

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Octogenarian outlook: Charlie Whittingham was asked recently if he wanted to join an impromptu 84th-birthday party at the Santa Anita stable cafeteria for fellow trainer Noble Threewitt.

Replied Whittingham, who will turn 82 next month, “I’ve seen him every day for about 50 years. I don’t think it would be much of a surprise.”

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Stylish scandal: Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle hopes the NCAA gets to the bottom of this:

“Ohio State has placed a coach on administrative leave after finding evidence of improper benefits to athletes. The sport: synchronized swimming.”

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Modern times: Jackie MacMullan in the Boston Globe on beleaguered Celtic Coach Chris Ford: “He is convinced he’s coaching a bunch of spoiled, rich, soft babies who have no idea what it takes to win. And guess what? For the most part, he’s right.”

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Jaw breaker: Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle on Pedro Borbon, 48-year-old replacement pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds:

“(Borbon) will have to undergo an intense conditioning program to get fit enough to chew tobacco.”

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Daly’s rut: Tom Callahan in Golf Digest on twice-divorced John Daly: “Much the way Lee Trevino keeps marrying women named Claudia, it seemed Daly’s wives were all destined to have the same first name: ‘Plaintiff.’ ”

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FYI: In 1971, USC finished the regular season with a 24-2 record, but wasn’t in the NCAA basketball tournament. The fifth-ranked Trojans, losing twice to UCLA, finished second in the Pacific Eight, and at that time, only the conference champion qualified for the tournament’s then-smaller field.

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Looking back: On this day in 1976, Bill Shoemaker recorded his 7,000th victory, riding Royal Derby II in the fifth race at Santa Anita.

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Trivia answer: The 1980 Queen Mary Open in Long Beach, where he finished in a tie for seventh.

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Quotebook: Buffalo Sabre goalie Dominik Hasek, speaking at a pro-am dinner in Buffalo: “Only Dunlop has seen more rubber than I have.”