In Future, Maybe He Should Tiptoe Through the Obituaries

Tiny Tim is trying to make a theatrical comeback and, in an interview in Des Moines, Iowa, with David Richards of the Washington Post, he said:

“(But) I learned from ballplayers like Ed Stanky, who played for the Dodgers, and Billy Martin and Maury Wills, may they rest in peace, that you never quit.”

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Stanky and Wills, who are living, should bring Tiny Tim up to date. Trivia time: What was the largest crowd to watch a men’s NCAA basketball championship game?

Help!Pastor Bob L. Christie of Lake Maggiore Baptist Church in St. Petersburg on the Devil Rays, the nickname of Tampa Bay’s major league expansion team: “I’m not interested in giving Satan any free publicity. He gets enough as it is.”

New Magic man?Bob Hill, coach of the San Antonio Spurs, recommends Anfernee Hardaway of the Orlando Magic as the most valuable player of the NBA:

“He’s got eyes in the back of his head. His game reminds me of that old saying, ‘I don’t need a pick. I don’t need a play. Just give me the ball and get out of the way.’ ”

No problem: Before Michael Jordan made it official that he was returning to the NBA, Christian Laettner of the Minnesota Timberwolves issued this challenge:

“Tell him to come back because I’d love to see if he can dunk on me.”

Christian, just get out of the way.

Add Jordan: From David Letterman’s top 10 signs that Jordan is out of shape: “Played whole fourth quarter in a golf cart.” “Now he’s only three times as good as the rest of the players.” “Every timeout: two hot dogs and a big wad of cotton candy.” “The Gatorade I.V.”

All-day affair: St. Louis U. Coach Charlie Spoonhour’s advice to the Wake Forest players who will confront Oklahoma State’s 7-foot, 292-pound center, Bryan (Big Country) Reeves, today:

“If you want to get around him, you’d better start now.”

Trivia answer: A crowd of 64,959 at the Superdome in New Orleans in 1987 saw Indiana defeat Syracuse, 74-73.

Quotebook: Sparky Anderson, on wanting to be called by his given name from now on: “Came into this world as George and I’ll leave it as George. Hey, I’m 61 years old.”