Volunteers’ Lessons in Life Help Inner-City Girls to Stay Out of Trouble : Connecticut: Program enlists senior citizens to teach respect and how to avoid pregnancy, drugs and violence.

In Diana Crosdale’s 12 years, she’s seen drug deals go down, classmates display weapons and three older brothers sent off to jail.

Every Tuesday afternoon, Crosdale turns to a group of older volunteers for help in avoiding a similar fate.

The volunteers teach her and 20 other inner-city youngsters how to cook, sew and stay out of trouble.

“They’ve taught me that you can always have someone there for you in your life,” Crosdale said. “They are like my grandmothers.”

The Spices of Life program, run by the city police department’s community services division, is aimed at helping at-risk girls avoid pregnancy, drugs and violence.

Each week, the girls, ages 10 through 13, get a practical lesson from their older friends in everything from craft-making to nutrition. They also get a lesson in life.

“We talk to them about how they need to build themselves up, how they don’t need boys and how they don’t want to get pregnant at a young age,” said Angelina Spiak, 77, one of the volunteers.

Ruby Crear, a Bridgeport police officer, started the pilot program last September, using a $2,000 federal drug enforcement grant.

Crear said the idea for the program grew out of her own impoverished upbringing in Mobile, Ala., and her struggle as an unwed teen-age mother. At age 25, Crear, who was then working as a nurse’s aide in a nursing home, befriended a man in his 70s who helped lift her low self-esteem.

“He taught me about believing in myself,” Crear said. “As a police officer, I find that kids today are never taught they can be something. So many girls become pregnant because they feel no one believes in them or loves them and (they think) that a baby will do that for them. We’re trying to show them that that’s not the answer.”

The weekly sessions, held in the basement of a converted firehouse, feature regular guest speakers who talk to the girls about everything from the importance of exercise to the pain of racism. One week, a 17-year-old girl told the group about her experiences as a homeless mother of a 3 1/2-year-old child.

At a recent session, a video producer showed short films on the dangerous lure of gangs and the tendency for girls to place too much emphasis on getting a boyfriend, sometimes at the expense of their friendships with other girls.

The girls in the group were encouraged to talk about their own lives and the pressures they face.

Crosdale talked about her three brothers, all in their teens. Two are serving time on drug charges; the third was recently released from prison.

“When my brother was small, he used to be so nice to everyone, but now all my brothers are doing drugs, and it’s all messed up,” she said.

Chanel Cruz, 10, said she knew a teen-age boy who was fatally shot in her neighborhood.

“It makes me feel bad. I don’t want people to get hurt over stupid things,” she said.

Sometimes, the harshness of the children’s lives gets to the older people.

“Some of their stories are kind of heartbreaking,” Spiak said. “We didn’t go through these kinds of things when we were young.”

Angela DeLeon, a civilian member of the police department who runs the volunteer program, said the weekly sessions fill a need for the older people and allow the girls to leave their responsibilities at home.

“The seniors feel as though they’re doing what they’ve done so well all their lives . . . to love and nurture children,” said DeLeon.

“For the girls, many of them are not allowed to be children because when they are at home they are taking care of their younger brothers and sisters,” she said. “Here they can be (children) because they are with a grandmother.”

Mary Demchak, 67, said when the program first began, some of the girls were hesitant to talk about their lives or the problems discussed by the group.

“But now, they love to talk,” she said. “These children really deserve our help. . . . You can really make good kids out of them.”

Crear, who at 42 is a grandmother herself, sees the program as a way to “teach young girls how to be young ladies.”

During a recent session, she told the girls about the importance of getting an education. “You can go anywhere and do anything if you have education,” she said.

Mary Bike, 77, has seven grandchildren of her own, but said she feels like the unofficial grandmother of the 21 girls in the program.

“There are a few of them who are in danger of going bad,” she said. “If you can reach one girl, then it’s worth it.”