THE BIZ : Rousing Business

Seven a.m. The phone rings. Bleary-eyed, you answer. “Hello. This is Johnnie Cochran,” the voice says. “Wake up. Get out of bed. Remember, this is a great day. It’s the first day of the rest of your life. Remember, the three keys to success are: One, preparation. Two, preparation. Three, preparation. Have a great day.”

Nightmare? Not if you--or some really devious enemy--shelled out $2 and ordered a Celebrity Wake-Up, a service that started in early March, courtesy of the Hollywood-based Telephone Entertainment Network.

Scores of famous and semi-famous folks have recorded spots, plugging their latest film, book or album, hoping, perhaps, that their message will seep into the subconscious of groggy consumers when they’re vulnerable. Others, like Cochran, are involved because a portion of the fees goes to charity.

The calls are a marriage of technology and roulette. Clients call the company’s 800 number, dial in the time and date of the wake-up call, selecting from categories like authors, athletes and comedians. But beyond that, it’s a crap shoot. If you choose the TV stars category, for example, you might start your day with Jon Stewart rather than your hoped-for John Goodman.

Only a smattering of household names populate the current roster. Though celebs like Goodman, Vince Gill and Jennifer Tilly are on board, most wake-ups come from the likes of ex-Black Sabbath/ex-Deep Purple singer Glenn Hughes, Wendy’s owner Dave Thomas and a Hawthorne grandmother whose nom de hip-hop is Rappin’Granny. But company president Steve Fecske, who procures the talent, says he just landed Heather Locklear and claims that other “big stars” should be touch tones away within months.