Disney Buying a Piece of Mickey Mouse Club

The California Dumbos?

Sorry, been used.

(The concept peaked some time during the Whitey Herzog years.)

The California Angels In The Outfield?

Why not? Isn’t every Disney sporting enterprise just a walking billboard for one of its cut-rate kiddie movies?

The Mighty Pocahontas of Anaheim?

Don’t--I repeat, don’t--give them any ideas.

In fact, let’s get this out of the way right now, because the mere thought of a Disney-Angel merger has the rim-shot one-liners lined up around the block, and they won’t go away.

All together now:

The Angels are . . .

“A Mickey Mouse operation.”

“A Goofy ballclub.”

“Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey and Chili.”

And they play in . . .

“The Haunted Mansion.”

“The Losingest Place On Earth.”

And their prospects of winning the West in 1995?

“Tomorrowland.”

And their prospects of winning the World Series any time soon?

“Fantasyland.”

Very good, group.

If you happen upon any more puns of this ilk, please be sure to keep them to yourself.

So Disney is buying into the Angels. I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. Disney already owns Anaheim and the Ducks. The Angels were the next logical commodity to fall, followed by Santa Ana, Newport Beach, the rest of incorporated Orange County, unincorporated Orange County, California, the continental United States, the Panama Canal (for a bigger, better “Jungle Cruise” ride), Antarctica (“It’s A Large Frozen Land Mass” Disney plans to call it) and, eventually, the entire planet.

With the possible exception of France.

During the spring and summer months, Anaheim Stadium always felt like an annex to Disneyland anyway. The Angels would spend two weeks on the East Coast, visit real ballparks like Fenway and Yankee Stadium, soak in the old-time baseball atmosphere, drop 10 of 12 and return home to a sparkling-clean, sterile land of make-believe; loud, outdated, obnoxious music; small humans wearing cute cuddly animal suits; and lots of expensive concession stands. The only thing missing was Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

All Disney is doing here is adding another attraction to the theme park. Rally-Killing Double Playland. Lose Three Out Of Four To The Rangersland. Never, Never A Pennantland.

Will the Angels change under the vacuum grip of the Disney tentacles?

Oh, you can expect some cosmetic alterations, for sure. New uniforms? Of course. Something in teal and purple. With a fierce-looking yet cute and cuddly cherub on the chest, something that can be easily mass-produced and sold at Disney Stores in shopping malls across the Southland.

More marketing? Are you kidding? The Angels’ idea of marketing is printing up programs and seeing that the starting times are in the paper. Disney will hawk “Spike Owen and His Friend the Sacrifice Bunt” videos for $19.95 apiece. Disney will string up a guy wire and have Tinker Bell deliver the lineup cards to home plate. Disney will give away free Space Mountain passes to anyone witnessing Chuck Finley’s first victory.

But will Disney ever hold another Dollar-A-Seat Night?

Are you kidding?

Disney may or may not increase the Angels’ victory totals, and may or may not increase the Angels’ home attendance, but rest assured, Orange County, because this much is a gold-plated stainless steel lock:

Disney will increase the Angels’ ticket prices.

Once a year, without a doubt, unless the fans can be talked into pre- and post-All-Star break half-season ticket packages. Or a state-of-the-’90s staggered seating policy--$15 a seat for games against American League West teams, $25 a seat for games against everybody else, with “You Get What You Pay For” billboards dotting every freeway off-ramp from Brea to San Clemente.

You know Michael Eisner has his people working on it as we speak because on the day Disney announced it was purchasing 25% of the Angels, Disney stock dropped 87 1/2 cents a share.

On Wall Street, Disney is a proven player but so, in their own way, are the Angels.

And those Wall Street cut-throats, say this for them, they know their baseball.

*

More Angels

* ANGELS IN THEIR OUTFIELD

Walt Disney Co. has agreed in principle to buy a 25% interest in the Angels. A1

* NEWHAN’S COLUMN

Disney’s involvement is bound to affect the front office and the possibility of building a new stadium. C6

* PLAYERS’ REACTION

Some players, citing the company’s success with the Ducks, are looking forward to baseball, Disney-style. C6