A Place Called Hope : Orange Shelter Gives Homeless and Abused Women What Life Often Hasn’t--a Fighting Chance

On her 33rd birthday, Kimberly Foster’s boyfriend wrapped his large hands around her neck and began to squeeze the life out of her while her three kids watched, she says. As she struggled for air and her son pummeled the older man, Foster held onto a thought: There was a way out.

Earlier that day, Foster’s fervent prayers for help were answered when she learned that she and her children had been accepted to the House of Hope, a homeless shelter in Orange. There, she would have 18 months to turn her life around. She would get off welfare, find a job and finally provide her children--Brian, 12, Brooke, 10, and Brittney, 8--with a safe, stable place to live.

Foster escaped what would be her last beating from her boyfriend and moved into the House of Hope several days later with her children.

A little over a year later, their lives have changed considerably. They now live in a comfortable apartment. Foster has a job she loves, and her children are excelling in school and enjoying playing piano and participating in Scouts.

Foster credits the transformation to her stay at the House of Hope.

“Although I first went into the House of Hope thinking that it would be cool because it would put a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs, I had no idea what the house had in store for me,” Foster said. “I got much more out of the experience than I ever imagined. I learned that there is a big difference between surviving and really living. Today I’m living.”

The House of Hope was built by HomeAid Orange County in 1993 and is operated by the Orange County Rescue Mission. It was built with $1.3 million in private funds to provide a long-term way station for abused and homeless women and their children, who attend nearby schools.

The 45-bed, 8,000-square-foot shelter is believed to be among the largest of its kind in the country, yet it is filled to capacity. Fifteen families live there now. There are six full-time and two part-time employees, who work alongside volunteers.

Unlike many shelters, the House of Hope is meant to be more than a transitional living facility. Guests are taught parenting and job skills, as well as how to take care of themselves.

“We teach self-sufficiency,” said Virginia Jensen, who oversees educational and job training programs.

To become self-sufficient, guests are required to stop receiving government aid. They live in the house free of charge for 18 months, providing they follow the rules.

“The house rules are designed to put structure and stability back into their lives,” Jensen said.

House rules include rising at 6 a.m. and having rooms inspected for cleanliness. Breakfast is at 7 a.m. and dinner at 5 p.m. Children are to be in bed by 8:30 p.m., and adults must have lights out by 10 p.m. Each woman has four hours of chores to do around the house each day. She must also spend time in the educational office working on skills that will allow her to support her family.

Not surprisingly, many of the women find the rules and structure difficult after living on their own. But they usually stay for the sake of their children, Jensen said.

“The children flourish with the structure, because it’s security, which is something they haven’t had much of,” she said. “The women see how well their kids are doing, and they stick with it.”

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Before they moved to the House of Hope, Foster’s children had little stability.

“Life was really frustrating before,” said Foster’s son, Brian. “My mom was doing drugs and hanging out with a guy who wasn’t good. He yelled at her and hit her. If we hadn’t gone to the House of Hope, I would have become very violent--like a maniac. Now things are a lot better.”

Over her 11-month stay at the home, Foster grew both as a person and a parent.

“There were drastic changes in Kim during her stay here,” Jensen said. “When she came in, she had a lot of fear and no self-esteem. Once she started to deal with issues of forgiveness and started to build confidence, I saw a change come over her.

“I also saw her parenting skills really improve. Prior to coming into the house, although she loved her kids very much, they were a great burden for her. She became a loving, more caring mother who really wanted to spend time with her kids and was interested in what they were going through.”

Jensen believes the change comes when women explore their spiritual side.

“Human beings are more than just bodies. You have to deal with the whole person,” Jensen said. “When women start to deal with spiritual issues, including letting go of bitterness and forgiving, the rest starts falling into place.”

Foster said: “The encouragement and genuine unconditional love I found at the home helped me change my mind-set. I learned to trust people. Now I have a calmness and peace about me, no matter how difficult things might be.”

If you had met Foster in high school, you would never have imagined her ending up homeless. An honor student, she graduated second in her class. College scholarship offers came rolling in, but she turned them down to stay in Southern California with her high school sweetheart, whom she married on Valentine’s Day, 1982. They were both 20.

Soon after marrying, she had her first child, and life went fairly well until she had her second child, in January, 1985. Her relationship with her husband deteriorated, and she was preparing to leave in 1986 when she discovered that she was pregnant again. Foster said drug and alcohol abuse was a major contributor to their problems. Although Foster and her husband separated in 1989, she continued a cycle of drug abuse.

“I would settle down and get a job for a while, but then I’d do drugs again, things would escalate and I’d lose my job,” Foster said. “Finally, we became homeless.”

When Foster risked losing her children to Social Services because of their homelessness, she decided to try something different and applied to the House of Hope.

It was at the house that Foster obtained the computer skills that helped her get a job with a financial firm in Irvine. At first, no one at work had any idea about Foster’s situation. When her boss learned where Foster lived, she was very surprised.

“It’s amazing that, despite her situation and problems, Kim was so well put together,” said Foster’s boss, Bambie Danner-Newcomb. “She had better job skills than people who had been in the work force. She learned a great deal at the house.”

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Foster said she tells her story to give other women hope.

“There are many women out there who have been dragged down for various reasons,” Foster said. “I want them to know that they can succeed. It’s possible to overcome anything and make a good life for yourself and your children.

“When I look back on how my life has changed for the better since a year ago, I get overwhelmed. Even though it’s tough sometimes, I never knew life could be so good.”