Fishing for Answers Can Leave You Reeling

Colds. Trains. Planes. Buses. A few hours of sleep. A movie.

These are just a few of the things I will catch. Fish. This is one thing I will not catch.

The last time I went fishing was also the first time I went fishing. It was with my Uncle Joe, a fairly serious sportfisherman who on weekends would take his 50-foot cabin cruiser out on the ocean to troll for bass. I had been waiting for years to be officially invited into what I was certain was the most exclusive, members-only organization around--The Fisher People. This was the group that in my child mind was distinct and in every way superior to the Boat People, those lazy faux fishers who would peel down to their suits, slather on the oil and top off their tans while the boat cruised the harbor.

The Fisher People, in contrast, were tough enough, strong enough and, as it turned out, dumb enough, to want to spend the day alternately dislocating a shoulder wrestling with some unyielding aquatic force and puking over the side of the boat.

About three hours into this nightmare it occurred to me that I took after my father--a Seabee in the South Pacific during WWII who, ever since, has gotten queasy at the mere mention of a bath.

So when free-lancer Ken McAlpine mentioned that he wanted to do a story on bass fishermen, I exhibited concern over any inner-ear problems he might have and questioned him about seasickness remedies in his medicine cabinet before laughing and laughing.

It turned out he was talking about those who fish for lake bass, not sea bass. This group, it turns out, doesn’t experience seasickness, though I am not sure why; if I sat for days on end waiting for something, anything to happen, I’d certainly feel sick. But then we’re dealing with an entirely different species, and I’m not talking about the fish.

“I’m fascinated by anybody who is obsessed with anything,” said McAlpine, by way of explaining his interest in bass fishermen. “I’d heard rumors about huge bass in our local lakes and about a small and nearly fanatical group who are trying to land them.”

But in case you haven’t already noticed from the rash of sports stories he has done for Ventura County Life, Ken also likes to be outside.

“The day I fished with Rod and Todd Thigpin,” he said, “we were on the water from 5:30 a.m. until 7 p.m., and I suspect the only reason Rod and Todd cut their day short was because I was starting to get dopey. You don’t catch fish unless you are on the water, and big bassers are well aware of this.”

Yes indeed. I think it’s time to catch some lunch.