THE JAUNDICED EYE : Packwood Bombshell: ‘Real’ Diaries Found

Following are excerpts from what Sen. Bob Packwood (R-Ore.) now claims to be his secret “real” diaries, discovered under the mattress yesterday while moving out of his Washington apartment after he resigned from the Senate.

Jan. 4

Why won’t Miss ---------- leave me alone??? She followed me home again tonight! Invited herself in for a nightcap but didn’t want warm milk and crackers and left in a huff when I brought out my National Geographics. Women!

Jan. 7

Didn’t get finished with the revised fisheries bill till 1 a.m. Had to give a rather stern lecture to Miss --------, my assistant, who kept wanting to play footsie. “Find a nice young man your own age and settle down, have kids,” I said. She apologized for being a fool and then we both prayed.

Jan. 10

They really ought to boost security in the Senate Office Building! Today, a woman cornered me in the elevator and made advances I can only call naughty. Maybe it was the work of those darn lobbyists, trying to compromise me. They’ll try anything, I hear!

Feb. 3

Went into a bar on the way home tonight, to change a $20 bill, and a sultry lady nursing a martini asked me for a light. Then she wouldn’t let go of my hand! Had to get the bartender to make her stop. “You shouldn’t be smoking!” I said. These nicotine addicts--wacky!

Feb. 9

I think a lobbyist tried to bribe me today. My memory’s so bad; hope I can remember to report him. Should see a doctor about it, but can’t go back to Dr. -------- because Miss ----------, his nurse, always pesters me for a date and watches while I get undressed.

Feb. 11

Hard day. No sooner had I kicked --------, the lobbyist, out of my office than Miss ------ was all over me again. Turns out the money I gave her for her mother’s operation was squandered on lingerie! She wanted to model it! Nothing doing, I said. Poor child could catch her death of cold. We went to Bible-study group instead.

Feb. 18

Went to a cheap motel tonight to canvas for World Wildlife Fund donations and ran into Miss ------, from the office! Could be a lobbyist frame-up, of course, but Miss ------ seemed genuinely touched and interested when I advised that she take up a wholesome hobby in her spare time and offered to put her in touch with my coin-collecting club.

Feb. 22

The cabin attendant on my flight into Washington today accosted me in the lavatory. I had a heck of a time breaking free and needed two Cokes to calm down. Poor kid, must have been a case of nerves from travel stress. She apologized later and we had a nice chat about butterflies after she saw the book I was reading.

Feb. 29

Guess what I found in my bed: women’s underthings! Sharing my apartment is the only way to make ends meet in Washington on a senator’s salary, but darn it, why can’t folks keep better track of their belongings? I keep my National Geographics neatly stacked. Women!*