Models Not Good Looking, but at Least They Work for Scale

Pittsburgh Steeler Coach Bill Cowher and 11 players posed for a reptile calendar conceived by linebacker Chad Brown, who began breeding and selling exotic reptile pets in college.

Most of the snakes, turtles, and lizards seen in the calendar were flown in from Brown’s Colorado-based business.

“I thought I would have to be sedated,” all-pro linebacker Greg Lloyd said.

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Add reptiles: In the calendar, Lloyd hoists a 7-foot albino python, Brown is draped with a 12-foot Burmese python and a smiling Cowher lets a 4-foot monitor lizard flick its long tongue at his face.

“I knew it wasn’t poisonous,” Cowher said. “I just didn’t like the thought of a lizard putting his tongue on my nose.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for most fumbles recovered?

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Ravenous: Georges Laraque made a strong impression in the Edmonton Oilers’ training camp before being returned to his junior team. The 6-foot-3, 237-pound winger, who is only 18, almost ate his hosts out of house and home.

“He wore out the fridge door. We almost needed a new one,” said Kevin Prendergast, the Oilers’ director of player personnel. “My kids had to eat first or he might have eaten them at our table too.”

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Mr. Personality: Bruce Jenkins in the San Francisco Chronicle on Barry Bonds: “[Bonds], by all indications, a likable fellow away from baseball, is probably the most consistently bitter, arrogant and standoffish player in the Giants’ modern history.”

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Higher authority: After signing with the New Jersey Nets on Tuesday, former UCLA standout Ed O’Bannon talked about some of his troubled teammates:

“Some people expect me to come in and make them into saints. That’s not my job. The Pope’s coming here [last Wednesday] if they want someone to do that.”

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Menu war: Geoff Hobson of the Cincinnati Enquirer had this pregame analysis of last Sunday’s game between the Cincinnati Bengals and Miami Dolphins:

“It’s McDonald’s vs. Mike’s Diner. Don Shula’s Steak House vs. Dave Shula’s Chili Parlor.”

Steak was more popular as the Dolphins won, 26-23.

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Case closed: Carmen Policy, president of the San Francisco 49ers, was asked if Deion Sanders’ defection to the Dallas Cowboy would enhance the competition between the two teams.

“How do you enhance this?” Policy answered. “Does St. Peter hate Lucifer any more if the temperature goes up in Heaven?”

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Hustler’s agenda: Free-agent forward Jayson Williams, on his potential off-court earnings should he sign with the Chicago Bulls:

“I figure I’ll take Michael [Jordan] out on the golf course, beat his brains in and make the money that way.”

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Trivia answer: Quarterback Warren Moon, with 46--all his own--in a career split between Houston and Minnesota.

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Quotebook: Joel Sherman in the New York Post: ‘It will be interesting to see if George Steinbrenner can shun the worst of his personality and stay out of his team’s way in October.”