Pro Football Fans Aren’t Really Missing Anything This Season
Another NFL season reaches its midway point amid customary understated restraint-- “DEION’S BACK!!!” “BARRY FOSTER’S NOT BACK!!!” “THE GIANTS MIGHT COMPLETE A PASS!!!” --and here in The Land Pro Football Forgot, we are made to feel somehow incomplete.
But, really, what have we missed?
The Rams have lost two of their last three. Been there. Last week, they lost, 44-10, to San Francisco. Done that. In that 49er game, Chris Miller was pulled in the second half, Jerome Bettis netted 34 yards, the Rams secondary chased Jerry Rice into the end zone for two touchdowns and the San Francisco defense went two for four in turning intercepted passes into touchdowns.
The Rams haven’t played here since last Christmas Eve, yet it’s as if they never left.
The Raiders are 1-2 in the AFC West, lost at Arrowhead Stadium, lost at Mile High Stadium, can’t fill the building when they play at home and had to be bailed out last week by Vince Evans, participating in his 76th NFL season.
What’s “good” for Oakland is not necessarily bad for Los Angeles.
Do we miss the NFL?
(Think hard for a minute or two, because the rest of the country needs to know. Any minute now, the documentary crews will be dispatched to our primitive outback, hoping to capture us in our sack cloth as we kneel outside Anaheim Stadium, swat away flies and sacrifice virgin watermelons to the ritualistic chant of “LAN-DET-A! LAN-DET-A!”)
No, of course not.
How could we when every Sunday there are two games on Fox, two games on NBC, another on TNT, plus “NFL Prime Time,” “NFL Game Day,” “Pro Football Tonight,” “NFL After Hours” and “NFL 3 A.M.: The Countdown To Monday Night Begins”?
But what about the in-the-flesh, in-the-end-zone, beer-belch-in-your-face stadium experience?
There can be a substitute for being there, right?
Well, Jack Murphy Stadium and the Chargers are still two hours away, which was a pretty appealing option last year. But now, you never can be sure when Gale Gilbert’s liable to pop up at quarterback, and the Chargers offer no rebates in such emergencies.
Truth is, there’s never been a better time to take half an NFL season off than right now.
Joe Montana used to play in this league, but no more. The same goes for Randall Cunningham. Steve Young is out. Dan Marino has been out since Oct. 8. Last year, Rick Mirer, Craig Erickson and Drew Bledsoe were the top three young quarterbacks in the game. This week, starting in their places will be John Friesz, Jim Harbaugh and some stiff in New England who wears No. 11 and didn’t throw a touchdown pass until the seventh game of the season.
Elvis Grbac is the starting quarterback in San Francisco.
Gus Frerotte is the starting quarterback in Washington.
Eric Zeier is the starting quarterback in Cleveland.
Steve Bono is the starting quarterback in Kansas City--and he’s the midseason front-runner for AFC most valuable player.
Compelling stories?
The St. Louis Rams are 5-2, but three of those victories came against Carolina, New Orleans and Atlanta, and opponents have outscored them thus far, 149-148.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are 5-3, and were leading the NFC Central until last Sunday, but are 27th in the league in total offense, 21st in the league in total defense and still coached by Sam Wyche.
The Indianapolis Colts beat Miami and San Francisco in back-to-back weeks, with Harbaugh at quarterback, but last Sunday they lost to Oakland, 30-17, and are now 4-3, so that wafting balloon has sprung a leak.
There are no undefeated teams in the league this year.
There are also no winless teams, which can often make for more interesting reading and gawking.
But, there are three 3-4 teams in the AFC Central--and they are currently tied for first place.
The best team in the league, supposedly, is Dallas. But the Cowboys have already lost to the 3-5 Redskins and needed overtime to hold off the 3-4 Vikings and won’t prove much of anything until they close out November with consecutive games against San Francisco, Oakland and Kansas City.
The worst team in the league, by acclaim, is New Orleans--worse than the two expansion teams, Carolina and Jacksonville, who are a combined 5-10--but taking in account the Saints’ inherent Jim Factor (Mora & Everett), how can anyone possibly be surprised?
Appropriately, the biggest story in the NFL this half-season has involved a player who hasn’t played a down during the first eight weeks. When will Deion sign? With whom will Deion sign? Now that he’s signed with Dallas, when will Deion play? Will the NFL let Deion play? Will Deion have to sue to play? Is U.S. District Judge David Soty a Deion man? Will Atlanta still be standing after the Braves win the World Series and Deion returns to the Georgia Dome during the same weekend?
Interesting juxtaposition, that last one.
If Deion Sanders is the man who wins world championships, why did the Braves break through after he left?
In Cincinnati, they’re asking a similar question: Why did the Reds make it back to the National League championship series only after Deion left?
Oh, right, different sport.
This is pro football--a game played by 22 men at a time, requiring intricate teamwork, unyielding commitment to a common goal, brutal physical abuse and a six-month sacrifice of body and spirit, yet can be “dominated” by a part-time cornerback who doesn’t tackle, doesn’t play the run and brags before kickoff that he’s going to go “hitless” today.
Sorry about that.
We forgot.
We’ve been out of touch a while.