THE GOODS : Where the ‘Lady of Spain’ Reigns--for Those Who Are Game

“No one appreciates or understands my music,” writes “Linda C” in the introduction to her World Wide Web site on the Internet.

“Just last weekend a house guest commented, ‘Doesn’t that thing have volume control?’ ”

Before you start feeling too sorry for Linda, it must be noted that the music she is writing about emanates from an accordion.

“My husband keeps encouraging me to ‘take a little break’ from practicing. I’m reaching out to the Web community for a new audience,” she writes.

It has been said that on the Internet, you can find information about anything.

This proves it.

Welcome to that special place in cyberspace reserved for accordion lovers.

What’s the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?

The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

*

You don’t have to make jokes about accordions. Those who have a love-hate relationship with the instrument--including Linda, who included a link to a depository of accordion jokes on her Web site--will do it for you.

Truth be told, on the Internet--where you don’t have to actually listen to the accordion unless you download sound files--most of the accordion people seem pretty cool.

Their spiritual home on the Web is the Accumulated Accordion Annotations site (https://www.cs.cmu.edu/ afs/cs/user/phoebe/ mosaic/accordion.html), which offers links to numerous accordion-themed locales, including the jokes, Linda C’s page and the sheet music for that most (over)played of accordion hits, “Lady of Spain,” by Tolchard Evans.

You can click into the “Mister Smarty Pants Accordion Facts” site to learn that “the word accordion comes from the German word akkord, which means agreement, harmony. “ Here, you can also learn the exact date that Myron Floren first sat in with the Lawrence Welk Orchestra (March 7, 1950), and that celebrity accordion hobbyists include Deborah Norville, formerly of the “Today Show,” and Tony Lavelli, formerly of the Boston Celtics.

Naturally, there are also links to several Weird Al Yankovic locales on the Web, among them a short video clip of him playing the Kinks hit “Lola” in concert with the all-accordion San Francisco ensemble known as Those Darn Accordions.

TDA, as the 12-member group is known to its fans, has a wonderfully lively Web home page, topped by the warning, “Pro-Accordion and I Vote.” The site includes links to downloadable sound bites of pieces such as “Autumn in Vilnius” and “Also Sprach Zarathustra.” You can also view the group’s discography, where additional songs such as “We’re an Accordion Band,” “The Bowling King” and “Chicken Boy Polka” can be found.

You are given the chance to buy TDA fashions and sign up for the group’s mailing list. (I did.)

Turning to more serious sites, Jeroen Nijhof of the University of Groningen in the Netherlands has compiled a series of links to more earnest reading about accordions and similar instruments.

You can also click into information about the Westmont Philharmonia Accordion Orchestra, a self-described “serious ensemble of musicians” formed in 1960 and designated in 1976 as the official community orchestra of Haddon Township, N.J.

Joking aside, serious and accordion are two words that do go together.

The Westmont orchestra, according to its site, does Bach and Mozart, Schubert, Borodin, Bernstein and even Wagner. (The mind reels--perhaps they could team up with TDA to do a “Ring” cycle.)

Anyway, I did return to Linda C’s page to listen to one of her sound bites. It was a segment of the old favorite “Santa Lucia.”

Here’s hoping that Linda, whoever she is, has a day job.

* Cyburbia’s Internet address is David.Colker@latimes.com.