Take my city, please:As part of a...

Take my city, please:

As part of a benefit for the homeless, Mayor Richard Riordan will compete against his counterparts from eight other cities for the title of Funniest Mayor.

That is, intentionally funniest.

No points will be awarded for bloopers, such as the one uttered by Frank Shaw, an early century L.A. mayor, who praised this city’s “sympathy” orchestra.

Riordan said he was looking forward to his performance, which will be televised later this month on HBO. “Let’s face it--you can’t beat the Angeleno sense of humor when it comes to funny stories,” his honor said with a straight face.

It will be interesting to see if the mayor uses any material contributed by the writers of the David Letterman Show. During one appearance on the program, Riordan read the staff’s proposed slogan for the City of Angels--”L.A.: Floods, Fires and Fun.” It has yet to appear on any local billboards.

THAT HOLLYWOOD TOUCH: Riordan should be thankful that he doesn’t have to compete for laughs against Kitty Cole. He--Kitty--is a cross-dresser who ran for mayor of Palm Springs with a promise to “bring decadence back to Palm Springs.”

A former modeling agent who campaigned in $3,000 blond wigs and three-inch heels, Cole maintained that the city should try to attract “mobsters and movie stars.” He also suggested painting no-parking zones with red or gold glitter.

We’re shocked to report that Cole finished fourth Tuesday with 271 votes or 2.9%. But he observed: “I can’t believe that there are that many hundreds of people out there that would put their butt on the line for me.”

LESS THAN THEIR TWO-CENTS WORTH: All those commercials from the phone companies imply that their customers can save bundles of cash by using them. Well, they made a believer out of Ron Rieder of Sherman Oaks, who forwarded a recent notice he received.

ONE JOKE RIORDAN MAY AVOID: In his new book, “Reason to Believe,” Mario Cuomo, famous liberal non-presidential candidate, lashes out at the Republican Party’s “Contract With America.” Cuomo says it’s part of the “New Harshness.”

Sound familiar? It might if you saw Steve Martin’s “L.A. Story.” The 1991 film includes a scene in which Chevy Chase enters the plush Idiot Restaurant.

“Your usual table?” asks the contemptuous maitre d’.

“No, I’d like a good one this time,” Chase pleads.

“I’m sorry, that’s impossible,” the maitre d’ says.

“Part of the New Cruelty?” Chase asks.

“I’m afraid so,” the maitre d’ responds.

Just another phenomenon that L.A. can take credit for introducing.

miscelLAny On the San Diego Freeway, Jane Gifford spotted what could be, at first glance at least, the strangest current billboard message in the Southland. It says, “Have fun--go home with a cab driver.” (Actually, it’s a brewery ad aimed at reducing drunk driving, not improving the social lives of cab drivers.)