How to Succeed at Business

If nothing else, City Councilman Nate Holden has managed to elevate an otherwise dreary body of legislators onto a level of public attention rarely achieved, although elevate may be the wrong word.

First he was accused of illegally cruising in the erogenous zones of women who worked for him, and now he is in the middle of a controversy involving a business trip to South Korea that featured female nudity.

He was cleared of the sexual harassment allegations after insisting he was just being a big, friendly kind of guy who liked to give his employees a kindly pat, but the Korea trip is something else.

Pictures have turned up that show old Nate and others sitting around a table atop which are half-naked dancing girls. The photos were taken during a 1991 trip to Seoul and Pusan to cement friendly relations with the cities and to drum up business for L.A.

Holden has shrugged it off by saying that’s the way they do business over there, while an aide that accompanied him explained, “These ladies just got up and moved stuff and started dancing on the table.” It could happen to anyone.

Nate saved the pictures, I guess, for the same reason Nixon saved the oval office tapes, so that posterity would know just how really stupid politicians were back in the 20th century.

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I’ve been to Korea a couple of times, but neither involved cementing relations or drumming up business. I guess that’s why I was never exposed to women stripped to their panties dancing on my table.

The first time I was there was during a war. The only women we saw were a group of Army nurses who were helicoptered in to our command post once to view our medical facilities, of which we had none.

They were surrounded by a regiment of MPs who were ordered to shoot on sight any Marine who came within 100 yards, so that any thought of even talking to them was out of the question. If Hot Lips Houlihan was among them, we never got close enough to see.

The second time I was there was two years ago as part of a program co-sponsored by the South Korean government to thank us veterans for having saved the country from the Communists.

We never dreamed at the time we might be saving it for guys like Nate Holden to be entertained by topless dancers, but that’s as good a reason as any to fight a war. The freedom to hoochie-coochie is not to be denied.

I was subjected to entertainment during my second visit to Korea, but never in a manner that would have called my moral behavior into question. For instance, one of the veterans, a balding, pot-bellied ex-sailor named Bo, amused us by standing on a chair and singing a piece he created called “The Prostate Rap.”

It was about what happens to men when they get older. I don’t remember the words and, God willing, I never will.

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However, I understand how Holden might have been trapped into unwillingly being a party to the disgusting presence of half-naked women right there in front of him jiggling and wiggling the way they do.

As his assistant pointed out in so many words, Holden was sitting there discussing matters of cultural and economic concerns with a group of Korean businessmen when the women suddenly appeared.

They moved bowls of peanuts and fruit aside, hopped on the table and away they went. Nate, of course, was shocked and humiliated, but what could he do? When in Rome, you know, you do what the Romans do.

Had the Councilman visited the Eternal City back in the days of their historic orgies, one can only guess at what level his degree of participation might have been.

I’m not saying I think Nate’s a swell guy or that I approve of his antics, but at least he’s adding an element of interest to the City Council.

During successive eras of Tom Bradley and Richard Riordan, we have been forced to endure leaders that are barely articulate and only mildly interesting.

The council has reflected that unsettling lack of spirit, which often surfaces in its inability to deal with anything more challenging than lunch. But now we have Nate, and who knows what to expect next?

Here he comes now, and I think he’s wearing a toga. Clear the table, grab a camera, the meeting’s about to begin.