‘90s Family : The Ultimate Road Trip: Traveling With Adult Kids

Our children are grown now, in their 20s, and my husband, Jerry, and I decided to put our new relationship with them to the ultimate test. A family vacation. A monthlong trip to Asia and Indonesia. Could we possibly balance everyone’s needs, desires, interests and pocketbooks for four weeks without a meltdown? There would be no other friends in tow, no boyfriends or girlfriends. Just the four of us.

We’d always been an adventuresome lot, but visions of the scenes in the back of the family station wagon flashed before me--crying, kicking siblings; screaming, stressed out parents. But that was when they were children, I told myself.

Our daughter, Melissa, teaches school in Hsinchu, Taiwan, and our son, Michael, was in college and able to take a quarter off. We all had a couple of trans-Pacific conversations and decided on a loose itinerary that took us to Taiwan, Bali, Singapore and Thailand.

We all collected guidebooks and talked to friends who had traveled in Asia. We pretended to be deep into research. In truth, we winged it.

Each day we would plan the next day’s destination or events. Our only firm commitments were our flights between countries. What we ended up with was a trip as varied, rewarding, thrilling, challenging and, yes, I have to say, “bonding” as anything we’ve ever experienced. Traveling with your adult children is one of life’s great rewards.

The key to our trip’s success was listening, paying attention to what everyone wanted to do and then doing it together. I don’t know if Jerry and I would have hiked up a recently erupted volcano in Bali or gone to see Thai boxing in Bangkok if we hadn’t been with our kids.

We certainly wouldn’t have rented a car and driven across the amazing, and terrifying, Taroko Gorge in Taiwan. Our night at a spartan youth hostel in the misty peaks of that marble canyon was mystical.

Our kids wouldn’t have popped for our final outing, a 16-hour private tour in Northern Thailand that included elephant rides over the mountains toward Laos, or upgrading our hotels when the need for air-conditioning and a bath required it.

What was amazing was the ease we all seemed to share in trying out what each person wanted to do. Sea kayaking? Sure. Traditional Balinese dance performance? Why not. Cock fights? You say it’s a cultural experience? Thai massages? Only if the whole family goes. The four of us were dressed in matching blue cotton pajamas, laid out on mats and massaged and kneaded for two hours--quite a different experience.

Regarding who pays, many of these adventures were treats from one family member to the rest of us. Everyone enjoys giving.

And do let your children plan the trip. Remember, they’re adults.

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Clearing the Way for Smooth Sailing

* Decide ahead of time who will pay for what major purchases: airline tickets, meals and lodging.

* Let your children treat when they offer. Suggest it if they don’t.

* Always be willing to try what the others suggest.

* Be in the best physical shape possible.

* Don’t stay in the same room or bungalow with your children. Your kids need to be able to talk about you behind your backs.

* Try traveling like twentysomethings even though you’re not. Fall into the middle-age mode and upgrade your transport and accommodations when you’re tired and cranky.

* Take a Dr. Mom kit. Even if they laugh, they’ll all come to you when they need it.

* Get tips from other travelers, especially young people. But remember, when it comes to things like hotels, someone who is 21 may have a different definition of nice than you do.