All the Players Were Represented

The Scene: Wednesday’s premiere of HBO’s “The Late Shift” at the Directors Guild. It’s the real-life parable of Jay Leno’s and David Letterman’s lust for Johnny Carson’s job and the networks that tried to satisfy it. The film was described by HBO’s Bob Cooper as “a Shakespearean drama for the ‘90s: The king of late night unexpectedly abdicates and his two loyal subjects vie for the throne.”

Who Was There: Co-stars John Michael Higgins (Letterman) and Daniel Roebuck (Leno); director Betty Thomas; executive producer Ivan Reitman; writer Bill Carter; plus 750 guests including Jennifer Tilly, Lesley Ann Warren, Pia Zadora, James Johnston, Lou Pitt, Suzanne de Passe, David Permut and Howard Weitzman.

How Late Would This Be On?: When asked what kind of late night show she’d like to host herself, Sandra Bernhard said it would have to be “more intimate, more one-on-one, more real--truly entertaining.” Bernhard agreed this sounded an awful lot like a porno movie.

Buzz: Boy, did the filmmakers kiss up to Mike Ovitz. Could they possibly have made him look more handsome, more visionary, more calmly in control of the situation? “And now he’s not even at CAA. He’s at Disney,” said one guest. “They obviously think he has a long arm.”

Pastimes: Dozens of TV execs watched the film locked together in a silent prayer: “Oh Lord, please, please, never let me do anything so stupid that HBO makes a movie about it.”

Show Stealer: Kathy Bates as Leno’s foul-mouthed, out-of-control manager. Speaking of another film in progress, Taylor Negron said, “they should have her playing Howard Stern.”

Helpful Career Tips: Bob Balaban, who plays NBC Entertainment President Warren Littlefield, said quality neckwear is the key to network exec success. “You don’t have to be bigger than your tie. Your tie will take care of that. On the East Coast, the thing to wear is a rooster tie. You can go far on an antique rooster tie.”

Most Prevalent Attempt at Self-Delusion: Actors desperate to work in television reassuring each other that the network exec weasels they portrayed won’t be offended. Of course they won’t. Of course.