Survey: Girls Aim Mainly to Please Others

Despite the popular image of teenage girls obsessed with boys--talking about boys, thinking about boys, calling boys, chasing boys, crying over boys--what they are really concerned about is school, a survey has found.

About three-quarters of girls now in school say their academic progress is what they worry about most, the survey said.

But an analysis of the survey said that while girls do well in school, they often do so only in an effort to please others.

“I think it’s important to point that out, because there is a lot of confusion there,” said Marie Wilson, president of the Ms. Foundation for Women. “They keep getting better grades while we say they have low self-esteem.”

The survey of 500 girls and 500 boys, by EDK Associates in New York, was commissioned by the foundation and Seventeen magazine and released Monday.

The girls’ motivation to please others shows up again and again in the survey analysis. When it comes to having sex, teenage girls often do so because boys want them to.

Nearly three-quarters of girls, 73%, and about half the boys, 53%, cited sexual pressure girls receive from their boyfriends as the reason why girls have sex.

Of the 67% of girls who reported having had sex, more than two-thirds, about 81%, said they later regretted it.

“Why don’t girls just say no? Girls are taught to avoid conflict and worry about other people’s needs and desires more than their own--especially boys,” said Caroline Miller, editor in chief of Seventeen. “We need to teach them how to stand their ground.”

Despite the number who are sexually active, girls are also concerned about their reputation, according to the survey. Almost half worried about being known as easy.

“Girls are very confused about where they should draw the line,” Miller said. “Boys expect and even demand sex, but girls are judged harshly if they acquiesce. It’s a no-win situation for girls.”

The survey of 1,000 13- to 21-year-olds, conducted Jan. 22-26 by telephone, has an error margin of 3 percentage points. Respondents came from all regions of the United States.

Teenagers are in conflict about the traits they value about themselves and the traits other people note about them. Teens tend to feel others judge them on superficial traits like appearance, while they value in themselves traits such as “being a good friend” or being intelligent, the survey found.

Wilson sees hope in the things girls say they value in themselves.

“Maybe 10 years ago it would have been having a good figure,” she said.

The survey said a higher percentage of girls than boys had self-esteem problems, feel unable to stand up for themselves and voice their opinions, and worry more about others’ feelings than their own.

Adults need to get more involved in discouraging that kind of behavior, Wilson said.

“Adults can really help girls in terms of trusting their voices and their opinions just by paying attention and helping girls to stand up for themselves,” she said. “Girls don’t start out being people who accommodate. They start out as forceful little creatures. We have to start early reinforcing what they think and feel.”