Sonnet Boom

Jonathan L. has found a new outlet for the explosive temper and behavioral problems that landed him in Camarillo State Hospital seven years ago.

“Back then I used to just get in fights and mess up,” said the 15-year-old, describing his early days on the institution’s mission-style campus. “Now I’ll usually talk it out with staff or write it down. Poetry just gives me new ways to express myself.”

Jonathan is one of more than 20 lyricists in the hospital’s poetry therapy class who will recite their verse tonight at a special reading that will be open to the public. The second reading of its kind at the hospital, it may be the last, many staff members fear, if the state follows through on Gov. Pete Wilson’s proposal to shut down the 60-year-old institution.

Launched in September 1994, the poetry classes have given youth with behavioral problems and adults with emotional troubles or mental illness a new way to speak out, teachers say.

“The fact that they are institutionalized gives them less of a voice,” said Jeff Grimes, a Ventura-based poet who began teaching the classes through the hospital’s Arts in Mental Health/Art Therapy Program.

“Not many people pay attention to them. Through this writing program, they have the freedom of expression and the realization that their voice is just as important as anyone else’s.”

The four classes of eight to 10 students, which meet once a week, recently published an anthology featuring more than 100 poems. Among the selections are Jonathan’s poems “I’m Dreaming” and “My Life”--vivid and intimate snapshots of the teenager’s feelings.

I never had a really good time in my life.

I know I’m not a loser

but sometimes I’m not a winner.

It’s been like that since the beginning.

“When we first mentioned the reading, Jonathan refused to do it,” Grimes said. “But once we started preparing, he has become one of the better readers. He is showing a lot of confidence that surprised me.”

The budding poets are exposed to the greats such as Shakespeare to get a flavor for rhythm and language. But poetry therapist Sylvia Gilmour, who is teaching the courses along with Grimes, said the emphasis is on writing verse.

Poetry encourages the students to tap into deeper thoughts such as memories of child abuse, depression and other painful experiences, Gilmour said. By reading their poetry aloud, the writers share very private feelings with each other and come to recognize that they are not alone.

“They are really very supportive of each other,” Gilmour said. “Poetry also really builds self-esteem. Each time they write a poem, they have accomplished something.”

Gilmour said teaching students to write provides them with a coping tool they can take with them when the class ends or when they leave Camarillo State. A short poem that 16-year-old Debbie H. recently handed Gilmour after class is a testament to the therapeutic benefits of writing verse, she said.

Finally alone

sitting in my chair after class

words spinning around in my head

I have everything I can possibly need

I write.

Mike T., who has been at Camarillo State for more than 11 years and is diagnosed with several mental illnesses, likens writing verse to a form of self-treatment.

“I think that, with poetry, people have the opportunity to work on their own disabilities in their own way,” said Mike, who is in his 40s.

Mike’s poems are playful and sometimes jarring streams of consciousness with catchy titles such as “Poetry Habits” and “Car Wrecks.”

“I like to write about far-out things because people listen,” Mike said.

That’s OK because anything goes in poetry class, Grimes said, adding that punctuation and spelling often fly out the window. What matters is the process of molding thoughts into words.

“All of our minds are a constant whirl of emotions,” Grimes said. “But if you get it down on the page, it crystallizes in front of you. Once that moment is frozen, it is a lot easier to see it objectively.”

Jackie H. said creating poetry has helped her gain self-confidence and erase some of the pain resulting from years of abuse as a child.

“It’s helped me get better,” said the 21-year-old. “It’s helped me to not be afraid.”

But Jackie admits she is a little nervous about reading her poem “Love” aloud before the crowd of about 150 expected tonight.

“There are going to be so many people there,” she said.

Gilmour said the coffeehouse-style ambience of tonight’s reading should have wide appeal for poetry lovers and wordsmiths.

“Anybody who appreciates poetry for its expression of feeling will find there are a lot of very good poems here,” she said.

FYI

7 p.m. Poetry Reading and Coffee House at Camarillo State Hospital and Developmental Center’s Staff Conference Room, 1878 S. Lewis Road. Admission is $4. Free coffee will be provided. Call 484-3661, ext. 4216, for more information.