Dr. Frankenstein Couldn’t Have Built It Better

How do you build the perfect NFL player? In its May issue, Inside Sports magazine took a shot at it and somehow came up with a formula.

According to the publication, the perfect player has Steve Young’s head, Troy Aikman’s arm (only one?), Richmond Webb’s torso, Jerry Rice’s hands, Barry Sanders’ hips, Greg Lloyd’s legs and Deion Sanders’ feet.

NFL players probably could add one more now: Dan Marino’s wallet.

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Trivia time: What is the name of pitcher Jack McDowell’s band?

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No bull: So how bad is the New York Mets’ bullpen? The New York Post is calling it the Poison Pen.

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Torch song: Karch Kiraly, the top volleyball player on the Miller Lite Tour, carried the Olympic torch Sunday for part of the way on its journey through Orange County. He’s buying the torch for $250 as a souvenir.

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Bay Club shootout: George Yardley, the former Stanford and NBA standout player, will be honored Wednesday night at the Balboa Bay Club for his recent induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

A free-throw contest will precede the dinner involving some famous former West Coast players such as Yardley, Bill Sharman, Hal Uplinger, Ron Livingston, Danny Rogers, Ron Tomsic and Eddie Sheldrake.

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Faldo and follicles: Jerry Tarde of Golf Digest recounted some of the best and worst decisions in golf in the May issue:

Best: Nick Faldo asking David Leadbetter to have a look at his swing in 1984.

Worst: Pick ‘em--any one of John Daly’s haircuts.

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Not shaved, crushed or cubed: George Gervin, the one-time scoring machine with the San Antonio Spurs turned sneaker salesman, is making a television pilot called “Southern Fried Ice.”

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Oh, that rule: Ailene Voisin of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution favors Portland’s Arvydas Sabonis as rookie of the year over such players as Damon Stoudamire, Joe Smith, Antonio McDyess, Jerry Stackhouse and Kevin Garnett.

Voisin’s reason: “The Clipper Rule, to wit: It’s easy to put up great stats on lousy teams.”

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Two-minute penalty: Hockey Digest, which must not pick up any news out of Pittsburgh, chose the New York Rangers’ Mark Messier as its player of the year.

Meanwhile, Mario Lemieux of the Penguins led the league with 161 points, 69 goals, 92 assists and 31 power-play goals.

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The old salt shoe: Michael Jordan’s mother, Deloris, said in her book, “Family First,” that young Michael was obsessed about getting taller. Her solution was to tell Michael she would put salt in his shoes each night after he went to bed.

She never really got the salt shaker out, but Jordan grew from 5 feet 7 to 6-0 as a high school sophomore.

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Trivia answer: Stickfigure.

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And finally: After Mike Aldrete of the Angels hit a grand slam and had five runs batted in in a game against the Mariners, he rated his performance: “It was better than a couple years I’ve had.”