MOVIE REVIEW : Whul Declares ‘Open Season’ on Ratings TV

Everybody knows that the content and economy of American commercial television is dependent on the Nielsen ratings, and most of us have deduced from those ratings that Nielsen families are chosen for their per annum consumption of beer, chips and Don Ho’s greatest-hits albums. But has anyone given any thought to how a Nielsen box actually works or what would happen if it didn’t?

Writer-director Robert Wuhl, a former stand-up comedian and familiar character actor in film, has thought about these things while taking meetings with by-the-numbers corporate TV execs and has a great time parodying their ratings religiosity in “Open Season.”

Wuhl has too gentle a sense of humor to make “Open Season” the television equivalent of “The Player,” Robert Altman’s scalding satire on the film industry. But there are obvious parallels: Executives motivated by greed, ego and desperation; a product philosophy tailored to lowest-common-denominator viewing; back-stabbing as an art.

But where Altman, and his writer Michael Tolkin, slipped the knife in through the ribs and twisted, Wuhl uses an elbow and a raspberry. It’s a comedy routine, reformatted as a broad sketch. The language is too salty for television, but with minimal editing, it will fit right in, and that’s where it figures to reach its most appreciative audience.

“Open Season” works from the simple premise that a new batch of ratings boxes, called the Fieldings, are faulty. As Fielding families veg out in front of their sets watching “Kicking the Habit,” a No. 1 cop series starring a martial arts nun, the box above it is reporting that they are actually watching a public television feature on China. And not China the country, china the dinnerware.

As the ratings for public television ride these erroneous data up, the networks go through a sequence of denial, disbelief, anger, finger-pointing, management changes and panic. Eventually, they accept the radical shift of taste implied by the Fieldings and begin to insinuate culture into their programming. They still make shows rife with sex and violence, but the actors now wear togas.

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Wuhl’s Stuart Sein is in the middle of it all, first as a public relations man for Fielding, then as the bright light of Public Broadcast Television, whose ascent in the ratings coincides with his arrival.

The continuing joke of “Open Season” is that nobody can make a decision without ratings. It’s like communicating without language. And nobody really knows what the public wants, including Sein. He is an honest, loyal employee, but he has no particular insights, and he wants nothing more than a good job with a company that has a softball team.

At PBT, all he does is endorse every boring idea the network’s new programming chief (Helen Shaver) suggests. It doesn’t matter what PBT puts on the air. The Fieldings boxes are going to report that it’s first in its time slot, even if more people are watching the Food Channel. And, of course, nobody questions the accuracy of the ratings. Why would they? As Rod Taylor’s devout head of the former No. 1 network says, “The numbers are never wrong.”

Wuhl found some kindred spirits in television to participate in the roasting of TV executives. Among the familiar faces showing up in cameos are Tom Selleck, Larry King, Bob Costas and Regis Philbin. And he got a riotous performance from Gailard Sartain as a network owner convinced that ratings affect the length of his penis.

“Open Season” runs out of gas and gags well before the strained Capra-esque ending, and its satire is too mushy to leave any welts on its targets. But it’s good fun, and it’s definitely better than the Food Channel.

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* MPAA rating: R, for language and some sexuality. Times guidelines: Nielsen families may be offended.

‘Open Season’

Robert Wuhl: Stuart Sein

Helen Shaver: Rachel Rowen

Gailard Sartain: George Plunkett

Rod Taylor: Billy Patrick

Maggie Han: Carry Sein

A Frozen Rope Production, released by Legacy Releasing. Written and directed by Robert Wuhl. Producer Daniel Raskov. Executive producer Ron Shelton. Cinematographer Stephen Lighthill. Editor Seth Flaum. Production designer Linda Burton. Music Marvin Hamlisch. Running time: 1 hour, 37 minutes.

* At selected theaters throughout Southern California, including Edwards Town Center, Costa Mesa.