Another reminder not to daub and drive:Justice...

Another reminder not to daub and drive:

Justice Arthur Gilbert of the Court of Appeal in Ventura received a speeding ticket in Malibu and, rather than make a federal case out of it, opted to attend traffic school.

In a humorous article in the L.A. Daily Journal, Gilbert related that the motorist with the most colorful excuse in his class was “an attractive young blond woman [who] told us of her drunken driving experience.”

Gilbert said “she spoke in the universal argot of her peers, every declaratory sentence ending with a question mark: ‘Umm . . . I got busted for a deuce? Only I wasn’t really drunk? I inhaled fumes from the newly painted walls of my boyfriend’s condo? And like it registered on the B.A. [Breathalyzer])? My lawyer said it was a bummer?’ ”

Umm, some days are like that?

A SIGN OF THINGS TO COME: We noted recently that Virgil’s Hardware Store in Glendale displayed a marquee that mentioned Earthquake Awareness Month as well as a sale on eggs. Robert Lawton of San Gabriel wrote that “it made me wonder if they [Virgil’s] have someone with a pixieish sense of humor working there.”

Lawton recalled seeing this marquee a while back:

VIRGIL SAID

BOB CHANGE

THE SIGN

SO I DID

YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED IN THIS TOWN: Broker Allan Carson says he was “researching a Valley apartment building that has especially high vacancies” when he came across an eerie clue from a title company report (see excerpt).

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: The hoopla surrounding the new McDonald’s product--the Arch Deluxe hamburger--brought back memories of a great scoop of ours in the mid-1970s.

It was our revelation that Jack in the Box was coming out with a Super Taco, an exclusive that placed us in the ranks of Woodward and Bernstein among investigative reporters.

At the time, we asked a McDonald’s spokesman in the Midwest if his company would respond in kind.

In that era, when Mexican food was not common in many areas of the country, the spokesman responded: “Tacos? No, we have no plans to sell tacos.” What struck us was that he pronounced the word as if it were spelled “tackos.”

BOTTOMS UP! It’s a shame that the Arch Deluxe seems to have overshadowed some other big news in the food and beverage industry--the development of Beverly Hills Water.

Mark May 18 and May 19 down on your calendar. Those are the dates the brew will debut--at the Affaire in the Gardens Art Show in Beverly Gardens Park, no less.

Beverly Hills Water, by the way, comes from a spring in Northern California and is bottled in Auburn, Calif.

What--you didn’t think Beverly Hills would get its hands dirty, did you?

FOR MEN ONLY: Hospitals are beginning to resemble movie companies when it comes to publicity gimmicks. Verdugo Hills Hospital, for instance, has been sending out postcards advertising its Prostate Screening Program to selected Valleyites.

The eye-catcher is a measuring stick taped to the card: a 6-inch ruler.

Really, we saw one of the cards ourselves. We haven’t inhaled any fumes.

miscelLAny

A civilian employee for the California Highway Patrol who was honored at a lunch this week works at the Castaic truck weigh station. His name: Alan Clinkscales.