Many Views of Monogamy

I marvel at editorial policy so obsessed with upholding the dignity of womanhood that it continues to ram down the throats of the readership phrases like “a person may do what they want.”

On the other hand (in “Straight Arrows,” May 3), you tolerate Hugh O’Neill’s celebration on how monogamous marriage provides men with “nooky” and “getting laid.”

Now that’s my idea of substituting form for substance.

MARTIN G. ROSENBLATT

Los Angeles

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“Straight Arrows” by Hugh O’Neill reads like it was meant for a girlie magazine.

This misguided author appears to be unaware that many studies have shown that wives suffer from the same boredom as husbands. How else to explain my five marriages?

O’Neill is to be pitied--apparently, he has never had any man-hungry woman run after him.

BARBARA D. MAYER

Encino

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I realize that Hugh O’Neill can only write from his own experience, but it’s a pity that his experience apparently has never included a discussion with his wife or (God forbid!) a platonic woman friend on this subject. He might have found out that the sacrifices he has made are shared by the (blush) opposite sex.

SUE BARNES

Los Angeles

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Hugh O’Neill has been watching too many beer commercials or he is just out of touch with how women really feel about monogamy. In fact, he didn’t seem to feel that our viewpoint on the subject was relevant. Darwin and Mother Nature aside, the average woman is not just waiting around at home, hoping that her man will learn to go “a little bit slower” or make “a slight sideways shift” to improve his technique.

Like men, women fight the daily battle against temptation. With more women in business and professional positions, the orchestration of the business trip seduction, or not, is as much her choice as his.

Why do men feel they are the only ones with the urge to act out their fantasies and find the perfect lover? Women who want to make a long-term commitment must fight the same nagging doubts about whether this man is the right one. Even after making that decision, the doubts continue and are not particularly soothed by the continuous lust that Hugh wants his men to cherish. The “good lust”? It may be “an appreciation of all God’s children,” but it translates into something that makes me really nervous every time my man exhibits this appreciative behavior in someone else’s direction.

Here’s something you guys should know if you are serious about monogamy: Don’t underestimate us. We would also like to experiment, to trade our man in a suit and tie for the guy in leather (or vice versa), and to experience the passion that is generated so easily by newness and seduction. At the same time, we want very much to make our long-term commitment a satisfying and passionate experience. Neither sex can do this alone, and we need to share our doubts and fantasies.

LOUISE B. CAPLAN

Santa Monica