The Doctor Is In, but the Letters Are Still Out

The name is now Dr. Lawrence Peter Berra, even though everyone knows him as Yogi, the former New York Yankee catcher famed for his malapropisms.

Berra, 71, received an honorary doctor of humane letters degree Thursday from Montclair State University at the Continental Arena in East Rutherford, N.J.

Berra gave a short commencement address, reviving some of the Yogi-isms attributed to him.

“During the years ahead, when you come to a fork in the road, take it,” he told the graduates. “Stay alert. You can observe a lot just by watching.”

*

Trivia time: Who holds the NBA playoff record for free throws made in a career?

*

Can’t be done: Bob Kravitz in the Rocky Mountain News: “Giving sensitivity training to [Marge] Schott is like teaching a centipede to install cable wiring.”

*

Add Schott: Cincinnati Red pitcher Jose Rijo on Schott sending recycled flowers to the umpires to apologize for her comments at the time of umpire John McSherry’s death: “Marge was just doing her part to conserve nature.”

*

Obliging: The Detroit Tigers, in the cellar of the American League East, have been thoroughly upstaged at home by the NHL’s Red Wings.

So reporters told Tiger Manager Buddy Bell before a game that if he wanted to get any ink, he had to talk hockey.

“OK,” he said, “I’m starting Bernie Parent in goal tonight.”

*

Lonesome hitter: Minnesota Twin shortstop Denny Hocking, who has been struggling at the plate: “I’ve been telling people I’ve been hitting a lot of sacrifice flies. There just hasn’t been anybody on base.”

*

Consolation prize: From Jay Leno: “Toni Kukoc of the Chicago Bulls just won the NBA’s sixth man award, while teammate Dennis Rodman won the swimsuit and evening-gown competition.”

*

Bad timing: John Steigerwald in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: “Alonzo Mourning of the Miami Heat has let it be known that he would like a $100-million guaranteed contract. The Heat was swept by the Chicago Bulls in the first round of the NBA playoffs.

“If you’re the Heat’s owner, wouldn’t you be telling Mourning that you can be swept without him?”

*

He said it: Seattle relief pitcher Norm Charlton on the controversy over smokeless tobacco: “I know I should quit chewing. But I won’t because I’m too stupid.”

*

Evasive action: Mesh hoods and jackets were the recommended fashion statement for sailors in the U.S. Olympic Yachting trials. It was the only way to survive the clouds of gnats swarming the Georgia coastline.

*

Trivia answer: Jerry West of the Lakers, with 1,213 in 13 seasons.

*

And finally: When you play the 16th hole at the Shelby Park municipal golf course in Nashville, you do so at your own risk.

There have been two robberies and one attempted robbery since April 30. The robbers literally wait in weeds along a railroad track for golfers.