Korean Soap Opera Isn’t Divorced From Painful Reality

As I scanned the TV dial one night, a program listing caught my eye. It was on Korean-language station KRCA and entitled, “Reasons Not to Divorce.”

I tried to imagine a program like that on American television. Ha, that’s a good one. More likely would be, “1,001 Reasons to Dump the Old Man and Get On With Your Life.”

I tuned in, and the scene showed a forlorn young woman walking down the street, presumably in the throes of marital misery. Because I don’t understand Korean, I stayed with the program for only 30 seconds or so, but the woman’s image stuck with me. More than that, though, was the poignancy of the program’s title, sounding almost plaintive in this age of runaway divorce.

“The show itself is an evening-time drama program,” said Stanley Lin, operations manager for KTAN, the Korean network that provides the program for KRCA. “It’s not a documentary or social-issue awareness show. It’s strictly for entertainment purposes.”

He explained that the American soap opera is the most-copied format on Korean prime-time TV. The divorce program is an ongoing series in that mode and, while made for Korean audiences, also reflects issues in the lives of Korean Americans in Southern California. Lin said the number of Koreans in Southern California has been estimated at 500,000, and he put the Orange County population at about 200,000.

I asked Lin why the program would so specifically target divorce. For starters, he said, Korean program titles tend to be very specific, as opposed to the generic titles given American shows. Beyond that, he said, “Here in Los Angeles, Koreans make up the highest divorce rate among ethnics. I’ve even heard comics joking that the highest-paid attorneys are those representing Korean divorces.”

As in America, divorce once was nearly taboo in Korea. For Korean women, divorce was hardly an option because property laws favored men and, typically, women were not financially independent. As the Korean economy and social structure has evolved in a more Westernized model, Korean women have attained not only more economic freedom but a fighting chance in court.

“Divorce is an issue in today’s society in Korea,” Lin said. “We’re seeing young couples marry and divorce within a year, some right after the honeymoon. We’re seeing people married two, three and four times. In the traditional society, divorce was unheard of and not tolerated by the elders.”

Elizabeth Kim is a psychologist with a practice in Anaheim. She sees Korean American families and concurred that current Korean divorce trends match those America began seeing in the post-World War II era as American women developed financial independence.

Referring to how divorce was historically was viewed in Korea, she said, “Divorce is unthinkable. You don’t even imagine divorce. Once you’re married, that’s it. Your life is committed to another person.”

Kim has seen one episode of the divorce program and, although I relayed Lin’s comment that the show was for dramatic entertainment only, Kim thought it did deliver at least a subtle message.

“As you mentioned, the Asians and Koreans do highly value family, and divorce has become such a critical problem in society. The reason [for the program] is to try and educate people that divorce is not the only solution . . . and that if you are patient and put yourself in another person’s shoes and try to endure some pain and suffering, then good days will come.”

I asked if divorce is more painful in Korean families, if only because of cultural traditions against it. “In terms of the pain, it’s similar for both cultures,” Kim said, “but Koreans or Asians do experience a greater degree of shame and sense of failure, because there is a strong tradition, a strong stigma attached to it.”

Even as contemporary Korean society becomes more Westernized, she said, divorcing couples are seen as failures, “especially in the Christian community.”

I suggested to Kim that Westerners stereotype Asian families as being more stable than American families. While concurring that the “family structure [in Korea] is stronger than it is here,” she also noted that a factor adding to divorce’s usual sting in Asian families is that “Western culture tends to over-idealize the Asian family.” As a result, she said, there are “a lot of cover-ups” in Asian families for fear of exposing problems that may be seen as not unusual in American households.

Frustrated that I couldn’t understand the Korean program, I wondered why American TV couldn’t find time to squeeze in a program like that.

It sounds like a ratings-grabber to me and, gasp, might actually serve a social purpose.

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.