The tortoise and the fuzz:It’s pretty impressive...

The tortoise and the fuzz:

It’s pretty impressive how quickly police can react to a turtle’s 911 call.

Janna Cole of La Crescenta knows. When officers showed up at her house, she couldn’t explain the false alarm until she spotted her turtle, Myrtle Ann, sitting next to the phone. The receiver was off the hook. The phone has 911 programmed on its speed dial.

“We don’t like her to come in because she gets all caught up in this stuff,” Cole told the Foothill Leader newspaper, pointing to the dangling telephone cords in her husband’s office.

Myrtle Ann, who likes to ramble, disappeared soon after the incident. With the attention that celebrity-hood brings these days, who can blame her for going into a shell?

TOUGH TO DISCOUNT: Comic Marty Ingels found a store with a 70%-and/or-30% sale that might slow a Caltech grad’s calculations to a tortoise-like pace.

THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE: The database for one local HMO shows that people can give unusual answers when asked who they’d like notified in an emergency. Some relationships that were listed:

* AA sponsor

* Agent

* CEO friend

* Consort

* Ex-Daughter

* Ex-Grandmother

* Father Figure

* Fiend

* Future In-Law

* Like a Daughter

* Play Mom

* Probation Officer

* Studmuffin

As well as one intimate who apparently lives out of state:

* UFO

miscelLAny

Singer Paula Abdul, the former Van Nuys High cheerleader, is engaged to be married to entrepreneur Brad Beckerman, her publicist said. Abdul no doubt hopes that this wedding day will be quieter than her first one. She married husband No. 1, Emilio Estevez, in Santa Monica on April 29, 1992. The date doesn’t ring a bell? It was the first day of the L.A. riots.

Steve Harvey may be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712 and on the Internet at steve.harvey@latimes.com. He welcomes communications from UFOs, but not from studmuffins.