Good Thing There Are No More Ties

Hey, you can’t lose them all. One of the two longest losing streaks in college football must end today in Greenville, Pa., where Oberlin plays Thiel.

Thiel has lost 22 consecutive games and Oberlin has dropped 30 in a row, the two longest such streaks in NCAA Division III.

Thiel Coach David Armstrong knows how the Tomcats will celebrate should they win: “We have a victory bell on campus. It’s a little rusty, but . . . “

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Trivia time: Which team has the worst road record in the National League this season?

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He’s a no man: Peter Schmuck of the Baltimore Sun on the Seattle Mariners’ wild-card chances: “No Randy Johnson. No way.”

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Positive thinking: It has been a bad year for the Philadelphia Phillies. They have the worst record in the National League and their home attendance is down about 350,000.

Paul Hagen of the Philadelphia Daily News counted 54 people sitting between the foul poles for a game last week against the Padres: 36 fans, 17 ushers and stadium employees, and one TV camera operator.

Phillie President Bill Giles says he’s optimistic fans can be won back.

“Our slogan is: ‘We Can’t Possibly Be This Terrible Again,’ ” he said.

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Levity remains high: It sounded as if he was having trouble thinking of something nice to say about Andre Agassi, so George Vecsey of the New York Times came up with this:

“As goofy as he looks--bewildered grin, stubble head, stubble beard, baggy shirts, baggy shorts, waddling gait, clunky shoes--Agassi has a low center of gravity.”

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Is that good? Meanwhile, this from David Miller of the Times of London, who provides the British spin on the same general theme: “[Agassi] looks like Harpo Marx in sneakers and stolen trousers, but no matter how ridiculous his attire, the ball coming off his racket is undiluted venom.”

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Zero for 10: Happy 10th anniversary to St. Louis Cardinal reliever Dennis Eckersley, who batted for the first time since 1986 and flied out Wednesday night against the Houston Astros.

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Writers’ cramps: When hockey legend Gordie Howe went on a book-signing tour, promoting the autobiography of himself and wife Colleen, “And Howe,” purchasers got two autographs. Every book that Howe signed, with sales approaching 100,000, so did Colleen.

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Build it: By the end of the decade, nine NFL teams will be playing in stadiums built in the 1990s: Tampa Bay, Baltimore, Washington, Cleveland, Nashville, Cincinnati, Carolina, St. Louis and Atlanta.

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Trivia answer: The Colorado Rockies.

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And finally: John Eisenberg in the Baltimore Sun: “Look for that ‘Great Baseball Wild-Card Races’ anthology to hit the bookstores in a few years. Whew, can’t wait.”