DEMI MONDO / My Life as a Dog

Consider our friends, the Princes: Jonathan and Julie. When Julie let it be known she was pregnant, my wife and I decided it would be perfectly fine to advise them on what we think is best for their child, including what to name it.

At a recent barbecue at the Prince household, the subject again turned to naming their unborn. After the jokes (Finger, Handsome, The Artist Formerly Known As), someone suggested Mabel. But it turns out someone knows someone who has a dog named Mabel, a yellow lab with a sweet disposition, but a lab nevertheless. What about Elsie? There’s already a cat named Elsie; worse, Elsie the cat was named after Elsie the cow. Sophie was somebody’s poodle’s name. There was a certain turtle, Harry. Ella, Chelsea, Willy, Spencer, Bo, Rocky, Lucy, Rose--all taken. Tess would have been good if the Princes didn’t already own a dog by that name.

Now, I come from a generation of Jennifers and Lisas and Johns and Michaels; today there are Dylans and Tylers and Jacks and Masons. But given the current fashion for naming one’s pets as if they will attend Choate and drink Sea Breezes on the veranda in Greenwich, has anyone met a dog lately named Fido or Spot or Sparky? A cat named Fluffy or Muffin? You’re more apt to find dogs named Kevin and Arthur out walking with their owners. I know of three cats named Mike.

Uniqueness is nice in a name. I remember my discomfort the first time I met another Ajay. I looked on the boy, younger than I, as a thief, an impostor. But at least he wasn’t a golden retriever. It wouldn’t do for Julie Prince to discuss little canine Ruthie’s flea and mange problems while bouncing her little human Ruthie on one knee.

So the Princes’ search goes on. If they asked my opinion (they won’t, not anymore, so I’m giving it here, free), there’s only one name that they can feel truly comfortable with, one that will ensure they never visit someone’s house only to witness their child playing with a Rhodesian ridgeback of the same name.

Rover.

Rover Prince.

And it works for a boy or a girl.