A bridge too far:Ask veteran runner Julian...

A bridge too far:

Ask veteran runner Julian Myers of L.A. why he didn’t finish the Venice International Marathon in Italy and he’ll tell you: “They made the route disappear.”

Myers, entered in the age 75-to-79 category, was near the back of the pack after 14 miles when gendarmes blocked his path and told him and a handful of other runners that the race was over.

Attempting to finish his 13th marathon, Myers was somewhat upset over the treatment. “After all I had come thousands of miles for the race,” he said.

He later learned that officials had apparently miscalculated how long the event would take (it started an hour late). And when he was whistled to a stop, officials were following through on a promise to the city to disassemble a temporary stretch of the marathon route--a boat bridge.

“At least they could have let my wife and I take a water taxi across--I could have kept jogging while on the boat,” Myers said.

He gained a little bit of satisfaction a few weeks later. Myers completed race No. 13--the Culver City marathon.

“Funny thing is we came close to the other Venice in that one,” he said.

OUR DUH AWARDS: Some of the favorite warnings we’ve encountered on product labels:

* On a tiny inflatable parrot: “Not to be used as a life preserver.”

* On a package of sleeping pills: “May cause drowsiness.”

* On a tooth-plaque remover: “Never use while sleeping or drowsy.”

* On a curling iron: “Never use while sleeping or drowsy.”

* On a package of frozen stuffed potatoes: “May contain some skin or pieces of the natural potato.”

* On a cloth-towel hamper in a rest room: “Do not place head in hamper.”

* On a Batman costume, “Cape does not enable user to fly.”

WE’LL DRINK TO THAT: Speaking of warning labels, a Halloween soft drink marketed by an L.A. company called Skeleteens/2nd Generation pictured an Elvis skull accompanied by these words:

“Careful whom you idolize.”

EVERYTHING BUT REINDEER: Hugh Ryono writes that spotting whales for the American Cetacean Society’s gray whale-census project “brings more than just damp air-breathing critters into view.”

Oh, yes, the census at the Point Vicente Interpretive Center in Rancho Palos Verdes has recorded various whales, dolphins and sea lions. But, Ryono said, there have also been sightings of “an Air Force KC-135 tanker aircraft refueling a huge C-5A Galaxy transport jet over Palos Verdes and the San Pedro Channel, a missile from Vandenberg rocketing up through the atmosphere, and two tall ships, the Lady Washington and the Californian, firing cannons just outside of Santa Monica Bay.”

A young visitor to the center was so taken by all the activity that she exclaimed, “It’s like being on the Discovery Channel.”

To which her older companion--probably a grandmother--replied: “It’s called real life, dear.”

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Just to make sure you’re in the proper frame of mind, this column comes festooned with the photo of one of our favorite Christmas decorations. We’re sure you recognize him but that’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Gobbler on the left, standing next to two of Santa’s other sleigh-pulling birds.