Valentine’s Day ’97 Comes in Assorted Sentiments

If love is indeed a many splendored thing, for Ventura County residents seeking to express their love on Valentine’s Day 1997 it is a multifaceted thing as well.

While many say it with roses, chocolates or dinner at a fancy restaurant, the state of love in the 1990s is as individual as the lovers themselves.

This day of hearts and flowers, which provides a snapshot of love--how it is celebrated, how it is regarded--is as valid as any other measuring stick for romance.

Take Elmer and Luella Meyer, for whom love has endured 57 years. The octogenarian residents of The Victorian, a Ventura retirement community, attribute the strength of their relationship to strict adherence to their marriage vows.

Elmer and Luella--80 and 84--say their love is as strong today as when Luella’s long hair and green 1937 Plymouth coupe first caught Elmer’s eye at a Santa Ana church.

But they have no special plans for Valentine’s Day. After all, they celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary Tuesday by going to the doctor.

“Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean much to people who’ve been married this long,” said Elmer, with a glint in his eye. “I didn’t even get her a card this year--isn’t that awful? There’s no romance left . . . but there’s the love.”

After 20 years of marrying hundreds of couples just about anywhere, the Rev. John Martin of Oxnard’s Anytime Weddings knows that in the 1990s marriage is more than just the sting of cupid’s arrow.

“There’s a very practical, economic aspect to marriage today,” said the Episcopal minister who will officiate six ceremonies today, his busiest day of the year. “I have as many young couples getting married for medical benefits as I have oldsters getting married for Social Security benefits.”

Nevertheless, he said he believes every couple is in love when he performs their wedding.

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Dianne Molnar, a counselor specializing in adult relationships who has offices in Camarillo and Thousand Oaks, is a trained observer of couples struggling with the repercussions of their love.

While people are more ready to seek counseling than they were a decade ago, the problems associated with love remain perennial, she said.

Differences in individual value systems that lead to misunderstanding, and a lack of communication can kill any relationship, she warns.

“You have to have some basis of trust and shared values,” she said. “It doesn’t mean you have to share every value, just the ones that are important to you. . . . Valentine’s Day is a nice time because it gives people a chance to reflect on their relationships.”

Shared values were much in evidence Thursday at Ventura’s Juanamaria Elementary School, where youngsters swapped cards and candy, embarrassed glances and nervous giggles at a pre-Valentine’s Day party. Many were unsure of the day’s significance--”Isn’t it supposed to be some kind of religious holiday?’ wondered one fifth-grader perhaps wise beyond his years.

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Valentine’s Day for the pre-pubescent set appeared to be defined by sugar-powered shyness over tentative childhood romances.

“It’s fun, you get to share your feelings,” said 10-year-old Kelly Russell, as she attempted to avoid doing just that with a stranger while frenetically tearing open envelopes enclosing Valentine cards. “And I got my favorite candy in the world.”

Lakita Garth, 28, a former Miss Black California, is telling “The Naked Truth About Love” to nearly 10,000 high school and junior high school students in the county this week.

Her message: Abstinence is not a dirty word, intimacy should not be confused with sex, which should be reserved for marriage. Her final motivational talk will be at a rally Saturday at 10 a.m. at South Coast Fellowship, 4050 Market St., in Ventura.

“Love is the most abused word in the English language,” she said. “I teach the kids that convenient love, which is really lust, demands a condom. . . . Committed love deserves a ring.”

For Mary Quin of Camarillo, love is a reaffirmation of a commitment she made 25 years ago.

At a private ceremony this afternoon in their living room with only their 12-year-old son, 18-year-old daughter and a minister looking on, Mary and Jeff will renew their marriage vows.

“When you’ve been married that long you tend to progress down your own individual trails and sometimes you look at your mate and say, ‘Is this the same person I married?’ ” said the former Mercedes-Benz saleswoman. “We had a difficult time this year, but we came to the realization that we really did love each other and we thought we would renew our vows.”

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Love for Carol Roberg, associate director of the Ventura County Rescue Mission in Oxnard, is unconditional.

For the first time, she and her staff are decorating the mission for Valentine’s Day, offering a special meal of Mexican food to their patrons and providing candy in a heart-shaped bag for homeless men and flowers for homeless women.

“The whole world is talking about love at this time of year and the people here experience so little of it that we want to show them that we do love them,” she said.