Punch Lines

Deja vu: A series of Northridge quake aftershocks rocked the Los Angeles area over the weekend. “ ‘Aftershock’ is a term used by seismologists,” says Alex Kaseberg. “The rest of us use a different term: ‘really bad earthquake.’ ”

* “Explanations differed,” says Argus Hamilton. “Either the San Andreas fault was acting up or the movie ‘Volcano’ has a really big promotion budget.”

* “A quake always disrupts life in L.A. It’s the only time cars on the freeway actually move.” (Alan Ray)

* “It was hard for people to go back to sleep . . . because they were standing up in doorways.” (Jenny Church)

* The quakes were described as moderate. “Do you know the definition of a moderate earthquake?” asks Kaseberg. “It’s one that occurs somewhere else.”

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Around the Country: “Congress passed the chemical weapons treaty and the government will no longer be allowed to use toxins,” says Bill Maher. “Now we can leave the poisoning of the air and polluting of the Earth to the private sector.”

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“The guy who inspired the Kramer character on ‘Seinfeld’ is running for mayor of New York,” says Hamilton. “It gets crazier. It turns out the guy who played Gen. Custer in ‘Santa Fe Trail’ was president from 1981 to 1989.”

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Businessman Alan Gerry wants to build a Woodstock theme park. “The slogan is ‘The Funniest Time You’ll Never Remember.’ ” (Cutler Daily Scoop)

* “Women with a flower over one ear will be admitted free,” says Bob Mills.

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* “Among the more popular rides will be Spaced-Out Mountain.” (Steve Voldseth)

A Kentucky man who spent three hours in jail accused of not returning a video tape to a rental outlet is suing. “Scott Rose says he definitely returned ‘Ernest Goes to Jail’ the morning after he rented it. His attorney plans an insanity defense based on his client’s choice of film.” (Olympia Daily World)

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President Clinton’s volunteerism summit took place in Philadelphia. “The real beauty of the ‘90s is when a paid public official can tell us we would all be better off if we tackled nagging social problems for free and everyone thinks it is an amazing step forward.” (Mike Reeder)

* “How can you get people to volunteer? Threaten them with subpoenas. Works at the White House.” (Daily Scoop)

The 63-year-old California woman who gave birth to a girl has given interviews. “There are benefits to later-age parenting,” says Ray. “They both can get into Disneyland for half price.”

* “We’ve heard of soccer moms, but shuffleboard moms?” (Daily Scoop)

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Reader Lorri Walls of Placentia asked her 2-year-old son, Joseph, what he would like to be when he grows up. His reply:

“Four.”