McEnroe Playing to Handicap--His Mouth

John McEnroe plays part time on the over-35 tennis tour, but he isn’t a fan of the more successful Senior PGA Tour.

“I think senior golf is all P.R.,” McEnroe said. “They make it seem like those guys are playing good golf, but they’re not.

“They cut the course 25% to 30% so it looks like they’re hitting it longer and still shooting good scores. And they put the pins in easier positions so anyone who knows golf can see it’s easier to reach.”

McEnroe has stuck his racket in his mouth again. By his arithmetic, courses on the senior tour would be about 5,000 yards long instead of, say, the average of about 6,800 yards.

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Trivia time: Besides having been exceptional baseball players, what do Stan Musial and Ken Griffey Sr. have in common?

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Get wild: Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: “No matter how many tennis majors he wins, Pete Sampras will never become a public sensation until he memorizes some dirty words and learns to dance with a lampshade on his head.”

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Yawn: Cleveland Indian General Manager John Hart on having pitchers hit in National League games: “It’s a bathroom break for the fans.”

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Dallas humor: John McClain in the Houston Chronicle: “Did you hear the one about Cowboy owner Jerry Jones going to the high schools in the Dallas area to ask the kids to come to Valley Ranch to speak to his players about the evils of drugs?

“Or the one about the Cowboys’ new honor role: Yes, your honor. No, your honor.”

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Pitching humor: Dante Bichette of the Colorado Rockies in the Denver Post on facing Nolan Ryan: “He hit me one time when I was with the Angels. Right on the elbow with a 94 mph fastball. He came over to me and said in that country voice of his, ‘I got you in a good spot, didn’t I?’ ”

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P.R. problems: Bob Harlan, president of the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers, on the off-season controversies over the visit to the White House and the ring ceremony: “I’ll tell you, being 4-12 was easier.”

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Futility continues: Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire, a combined two for 36 against the Dodgers in the 1988 World Series, were a combined one for 12 in the recent two-game series.

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Looking back: On this day in 1978, Ron Guidry of the New York Yankees struck out 18 Angel players to set an American League record for left-handed pitchers.

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Trivia answer: Both were born in Donora, Pa., Musial in 1920, Griffey 30 years later.

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And finally: Greg Zaun, backup catcher of the Florida Marlins, is a movie buff who explains that most men’s tastes in film aren’t particularly sophisticated:

“I’m not going to tiptoe around it. Why do you think guys go to see movies? They want to see action or a babe--one of the two.

“They don’t want to go and have their wife crying all over them, especially if they’re shelling out 20 bucks.”