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Real Estate: “The Grateful Dead’s communal Victorian...

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Real Estate: “The Grateful Dead’s communal Victorian house in San Francisco is listed for sale at $990,000,” says Alex Kaseberg. “That sounds expensive, but it works out to only about 10 bucks an ounce.”

* “The band left its mark on the place. The house has seven bedrooms, five baths and 112 medicine cabinets.” (Argus Hamilton)

* “It is listed at just under $1 million, but the street value is $2 million.” (Premiere Morning Sickness)

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Legal File: “A two-day experiment to eliminate New York’s longest-running divorce cases went well and a new plan has been devised: Don’t let Donald Trump remarry.” (Jerry Perisho).

“The legal haggling continues over who owns O.J.’s piano. There hasn’t been this much fuss over a piano by someone who can’t play one since John Tesh went on tour.” (Kaseberg)

L.A. City Councilman Mike Hernandez has been charged with possession of cocaine, says Bob Mills. “He was immediately offered a better job in Washington, D.C., by Mayor Marion Barry.”

* “In an attempt to avoid prosecution, the councilman has scheduled a tryout as utility infielder for the Anaheim Angels.” (Barry Tunick)

Charles Manson has been transferred to a tighter security cell for selling drugs in prison. “That’s the good news. The bad news is, it isn’t a cell in Texas.” (Cutler Daily Scoop)

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Health Beat: “Here’s the latest gimmick from the tobacco companies. Boy, these guys never rest. Now somebody’s coming out with all natural cigarettes,” says Jay Leno. “This is like making bullets that contain 10 essential vitamins and minerals.”

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The American Medical Assn. has started endorsing commercial products, says Bill Williams. “Some doctors are stepping out on their own. Last week, Jack Kevorkian inked a deal to become the new Marlboro Man.”

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Show Biz: Demi Moore’s latest, “G.I. Jane,” has opened. “How to tell if you are not being taken seriously as an actress--all the reviews say ‘at least she keeps her clothes on in this one.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

* “Demi’s character is tortured during training. Her commanders make her watch ‘The Scarlet Letter.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

“Sinead O’Connor says she’s glad she’s not the celebrity she once was. She says the time she spent in the public eye was awful. Let me say, on behalf of the public, we didn’t enjoy it that much either.” (Leno)

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Reader Michael Guttierez says one day when his daughter, Annie, was 4, she was playing in his father’s swimming pool in Costa Mesa. As she had been in for a while, her grandfather told her, “You know, if you pee in the pool, the water turns purple.” Annie looked at her grandfather and then at her dad to check whether she should take this seriously. Then she looked behind her.

“Nyaa ha. No, it doesn’t,” she said.

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