Tell Boss No, Without Actually Saying It : And Watch Your Language

Deflecting work from a boss--whether he or she is rational or not--calls for you to manage spoken as well as body language.

When a new project is described, react with what Duffy Spencer calls “friendly neutrality.” Spencer, a therapist and consultant in Westbury, N.Y., who teaches assertiveness training to women for the American Management Assn., said the goal is to position yourself as an ally, not an adversary.

So, watch out for negative body language, such as rolling your eyes or a shocked expression. Instead, listen with an open face. Take a deep breath and paraphrase back what the boss says. Say, “It’s possible. I’m working on four other projects right now that will take X days to finish. Are you open to changing priorities?” implying something has to be dropped.

Try to be facing the same direction as the boss and express disappointment at not being able to fit in the new project easily, said Dianna Booher, a communications consultant from Euless, Texas, and author of a new book, “Get a Life Without Sacrificing Your Career” (McGraw Hill). “This way, you’re both fighting the facts, rather than the boss fighting you.”

Bosses, she said, hear messages in this framework more clearly. Her take is that, “Saying, ‘I already have too much to do’ plays to deaf ears. They just think, ‘Well, so does everyone else.’ ”

One business manager at a large accounting firm said she lists on paper all the projects she’s already juggling and asks the boss to rank them in order of priority. “You have to remember,” Booher said, “that if you’re good, the boss gives you an assignment and forgets about it, assuming the ball’s in your court so he can forget about it. They can build up, and you have to remind him.”