Parental Abuse Questions Hard to Ask, Hard to Answer

After Friday’s column appeared, several people called to add their two cents’ worth. Right on, the callers said. Like the two families mentioned in the column, they too had been chilled by their dealings with social workers questioning them about possible child abuse.

“They do everything they can to make you feel guilty,” said one woman. “I felt like I had no rights,” said another. Both left their names and said they’d be happy to talk with me at length.

As someone who fancies himself a civil libertarian, I’m sympathetic to those complaints. We lose something as a society if it becomes mere lip service to say people are innocent until proven guilty. Beyond that, on a practical level, imagine how you’d feel if your child had an injury you couldn’t specifically account for and, suddenly, you’re being questioned by a county worker in the presence of police.

Chances are you won’t put your best foot forward. You’re going to say, as did one middle-aged relative of a “suspect,” that she’s never felt more frightened than she did while wondering whether the caseworker was going to recommend taking the child into protective custody.

However . . .

I didn’t write that column solely to complain about social services. I wrote about it to expose the conundrum these cases present. Is it fair that a child should be questioned at school, without their parents’ knowledge, about suspected abuse? Is it fair that a child should be taken into protective custody, with the parents being notified after the fact? Should a parent who can’t readily explain how a child got injured automatically be held suspect?

Something about that offends our sense of fair play and parental rights, however loosely they may be defined. Conversely, it offends our common sense to assume that a child being beaten at home is going to speak candidly about it with the offending parent sitting in the room with him.

Children must be protected.

Innocent parents shouldn’t be put through the ringer.

‘Round and ‘round it goes.

Later in the day Friday, I came upon a list of court cases coming up in Orange County. Among them:

* Arraignment for a woman accused of beating her 3-year-old son to death.

* Competency hearing for a man accused of killing his 15-month-old daughter.

* Arrest of a teenage girl suspected of dumping her newborn in the bushes near her home.

* Preliminary hearing for a man accused of beating and molesting a toddler.

That’s the world in which social workers operate. Confronted by that kind of news day in and day out, is it any wonder they may come across as overzealous in questioning adults about injured children?

Joan Banks lives in Fullerton and is a school nurse in the Pomona Unified School District. Yes, she said, school personnel are legally required to notify social workers if they see suspicious-looking injuries on children. No, they aren’t required to notify parents ahead of time.

Complicating things is that school officials also can notify authorities if they suspect even less obvious problems like sexual abuse or “emotional neglect.”

Such situations can provoke angry outbursts from parents, Banks conceded, even the blameless ones. She accepts the responsibility, she said, “because I feel like I’m an advocate for the child. That’s a real important job.”

Some school personnel may be reluctant to report suspected abuse, she said, for fear of retribution from parents. “One thing I’ve often told parents who come to me, angry, is that if they have nothing to hide, there shouldn’t be a problem with an investigation.”

I asked how realistic that is. I’m sure many parents cooperate and aren’t defensive, but I can imagine many parents with nothing to hide who might be resentful about such questioning. “I know it’s a tough situation,” Banks said, “but I still feel a real need to be an advocate for children.”

Parents might forestall problems, she said, by notifying school officials on their own about possible suspicious marks or bruises on their children. I can hear the collective parental groan now.

If the system has to err, I asked Banks, on which side would you choose?

It’s clear to her that it must err on the side of the children.

My lonely voice cries for consensus.

No one could read that court docket from Friday and not lament the scope of child-abuse problems. Every single day, countless children are being abused at some level at home.

Equally clear to me is that social workers need to take stock of this potential backlash of parents who worry about becoming suspects much too easily.

In a society that says it wants to eliminate child abuse, how is it that the good guys end up fighting the good guys?

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.