He’d Give New Meaning to Term ‘Shoving Off’

Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post, commenting on Charles Barkley throwing a man through a plate-glass window:

“Let’s feel good that Charles isn’t crewing in the Whitbread ‘Round-the-World Race because all we’d ever hear on board his ship late at night is ‘Man overboard!’ ”

*

Add Barkley: Michael Ventre of MSNBC on the inevitable civil suit in the Barkley assault case: “For the victim, this was quite literally a window of opportunity.”

*

Trivia time: What player holds the NFL record for most points scored in a season?

*

Cement field: San Francisco 49er quarterback Steve Young on playing on artificial turf:

“It’s not easy to play on your back patio. If you wonder what [playing on artificial turf] is like, just go out there and fall down a couple of times. Don’t do what we do--run and scrape across.”

*

Ho hum: Prediction from Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune: “Patrick Ewing will guarantee another championship--actually he already has--[for the New York Knicks] and he’ll get to the finals the way he always does: with tickets from Michael [Jordan].”

*

Boring mediocrity: Tim Keown in the San Francisco Chronicle: “It’s no fun to hate the Cowboys anymore. There’s no challenge there. The whole league is a warmed-over plate of last night’s mediocre, and Dallas is right in the thick of it.

“They’re 4-4--how do you summon enough outrage to despise .500?”

*

Add Cowboys: John McClain of the Houston Chronicle offers a reason for the decline of the Cowboys:

“It all boils down to talent. Since 1993, the Cowboys have lost 33 free agents. They have signed six. And everyone knows their drafting record has been abysmal since Jimmy Johnson left.”

*

Real pressure: Bob Uecker, World Series television analyst and former major league catcher, once said:

“Philly fans are so mean that one Easter Sunday, when the players staged an Easter-egg hunt for their kids, the fans booed the kids who didn’t find any eggs.”

*

Looking back: On this day in 1957, USC defeated Washington, 19-12, in Seattle. It was the Trojans’ only victory in a 1-9 season.

*

Trivia answer: Paul Hornung of Green Bay, 176 in 1960 with 15 touchdowns, 41 extra points and 15 field goals in a 12-game schedule.

*

And finally: The late Dave Marr on cheating in golf, as recalled by Golf Digest:

“Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a one-iron in his bag and squinty eyes.”

And this from the late Will Rogers: “Golf has made more liars out of people than income tax.”