Perfect Event for Saints and Sinners

Sam Kamler of San Dimas wonders how many people will be attracted to a local event by this headline in a monthly newspaper:

COUNTRY WESTERN AUCTION SINNER DANCE

PARKING TICKET PATHOS: You know you’re in Beverly Hills, Joe Yukelson points out, when your parking ticket contains a tender message (see accompanying).

MEASURING INTELLIGENCE: Remember the item here about the customer who wanted to buy a yardstick but rejected a model in a Thousand Oaks store because it wasn’t the “short type?” Well, here’s a variation on the same subject. Betty Moskowitz of L.A. asked a clerk in a supermarket if the store carried yardsticks. He said no, adding, “We don’t have a garden shop.”

SOUNDS LIKE A HALLOWEEN NIGHT ITEM: Tobi Dragert reports that a tape transcribed for an attorney in her office mistakenly quoted a plaintiff as seeing “an obscene jester” moments before a crash.

BEFORE FANS PERFORMED THE WAVE . . . : In its self-promotional campaign, L.A. has been flying banners around the city claiming credit for such contributions to the world as the Internet and barbecued chicken pizza.

But the City of Angels left out one contribution, according to Wayne Miller of Diamond Bar.

In a letter to USC Trojan Family magazine, Miller claims that the bugle cheer “Charge!” began in the Coliseum at USC football games 50 years ago.

The innovator, says USC grad Miller, was a student who had obtained “a battered bugle” while serving in World War II. The only thing the now-forgotten veteran could play was the “Charge!” cry, which he had apparently learned by watching “Arsenic and Old Lace.” In that film, a character who believes he’s Teddy Roosevelt blows “Charge!” on a bugle and periodically runs up the stairs of his house.

Miller says the USC band took up the call later in the season and “within a couple of years the ‘Charge’ had spread from coast to coast.”

No wisecracks about USC’s football team believing it’s going to a bowl this season.

IMAGINE FEEDING A PARKING METER FOR THIS EVENT: Norman Nielsen of L.A. went to a Brad Pitt movie earlier this month and, as far as we can determine (see ticket stub reproduction), Nielsen is still there.

ANGELENOS ABROAD (CONT).: Before he became trapped in a movie theater, Nielsen contributed a couple of cultural-clash stories. In Norway, he once asked a cabby who spoke English to stop at an automated teller machine. The cabby was dumbfounded until Nielsen described the gizmo. “Oh, you mean a mini-bank,” he said.

Then, in London, Nielsen asked a desk clerk at a hotel for directions to an ATM and drew a blank stare. He tried “mini-bank.” Still no luck. So, he again described the machine and its usual location. The clerk grinned and said, “You want a Hole in the Wall!”

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A penny for their thoughts? Well, Leonard Gottlieb and some other readers say they were thrilled to notice on their MediaOne cable bill, under the heading “Important Viewer News,” this announcement: “Beginning Oct. 1, 1997, the FCC monthly fee will be reduced from $0.05 to $0.04.” Hey, let’s start planning that trip to Europe!

Steve Harvey can be reached at his hole-in-the-wall by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.