Rub Me, Scrub Me, Soak Me, Soothe Me, Wait on Me, Leave Me Alone, Check Me Into. . . : Maui’s Place of Pampering

It’s midwinter in Maui and the temperature is approaching 80, the poolside bar is doing a brisk business in pina coladas, and scuba and wind-sailing lessons are in full swing at the terrace pavilion. From the beach, the occasional humpback whale can be seen breaching in the distance.

I, however, am otherwise occupied. Stretched out on a massage table in a darkened room above the fray, I wait in the altogether (somewhat apprehensively, I’ll be the first to admit) while a crock pot full of oil warms to a point just below boiling.

Fiddling with the thermostat is Ruppa, a specialist in ayurvedic therapy, whose intention is to brush the hot oil rapidly over my body for the better part of an hour--after which, according to literature supplied by the Spa Grande at the Grand Wailea Resort, I will emerge rejuvenated, the combination of warm oil and herbs working in tandem “to combat the aging process and (perhaps) help to reduce body fat.”

Basically, we’re talking detox by fire. In her soothing voice, Ruppa explains that she will stroke the oil so rapidly that I won’t feel anything, even though my brain will respond as if I were being flash-fried--blood will rush to the surface, circulation will speed up and I will feel slightly flushed. Of course, for it to really work, she announces, a weeklong series of treatments, which were once performed only on Indian royalty and aristocracy, would be required. (Fat chance, not when whales were jumping just off the beach.)

But the single session will be invigorating, she says, and might help relieve the stodgy, somewhat bloated feeling that is the inevitable result of nearly a week of restaurant dinners and those readily available rum concoctions.

The siddha vaidya, as the hot-oil hour is called, is one of several ayurvedic treatments on the menu at Spa Grande, added after former spa director Darryll Leiman heard Deepak Chopra speak at a convention about 2 1/2 years ago. “It’s not for everyone, certainly not the first-time spa-goer,” Leiman said when I phoned him upon my return home last February. But for guests somewhat familiar with the principles of the 5,000-year-old Indian holistic medicine approach or for those who want to take their spa experience beyond the basic massage and facial, ayurvedic treatment is the latest thing.

“There are some treatments which are absolutely so luxurious it’s almost an out-of-body, out-of-mind experience,” said Leiman, referring specifically to the 85-minute indulgence known as abhyanga-pizichili-shirodhara.

The three-step treatment starts with a carefully choreographed massage by two therapists (one male, one female), followed by a massage during which three gallons of warm oil are rubbed into the skin, followed by a tension-relieving application of a stream of warm oil to the forehead. There’s also the siddha sandalwood wrap. (Ground sandalwood, spa literature notes, not only gives the skin a delicate sheen but can be “slightly aphrodisiac.”)

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Of course, you might say the same for merely being at the Grand Wailea, a sprawling resort on the southwestern coast of Maui. With acres of orchid-filled gardens, a waterfall or koi pond around every bend and a breathtaking view of the Pacific, the hotel could put the heat back in the most frigid relationship.

But it isn’t romance that has lured me to the resort. A year ago the Grand Wailea was selected as the top spa in the world in a survey of more than 30,000 readers of Conde Nast Traveler magazine, toppling a three-year run by Canyon Ranch in Lenox, Mass.--a place I’m fond of escaping to whenever the stresses of life require a time out. I couldn’t wait to see what Spa Grande could do to top it.

The truth is, I’m not sure the comparison was fair. What appears to have given the Hawaiian spa its slim edge (87.7 in overall points to Canyon Ranch’s 87.2) was, as the adage goes, location, location, location. It’s hard to top the graceful palms, fragrant tropical flowers and magnificent beaches of this lush island.

But they’re really different kinds of getaways, a fact acknowledged by the magazine’s survey this year, which divided the category into spas (the Canyon Ranch in Tucson at the top, and its Berkshires sister spa coming in a close second) and spa resorts (No. 1 being the Grand Wailea). The approach is unrelenting at both Canyon Ranch properties--all spa, all the time. You live, breathe and eat (sparingly) the spa life. At the Grand Wailea, the spa, no matter how spectacular, is more of a side dish--at times even an intrusion. As in, do I really have to leave this snug beach cabana for a pedicure? Do we really have to skip the sunset sail because I have a 5 p.m. mud wrap? The idea is to decompress, not stress out choosing between the snorkeling workshop and a lomi-lomi massage.

On the other side of the scorecard, while my significant other scoffs at the idea of anything that might marginally be construed as fitness/health oriented, he was blissfully happy at the Grand Wailea, where he could veg on the beach for hours, safe in the knowledge that when he ordered chocolate mousse for dessert, it would consist of more than egg whites and carob powder.

Fortunately, this is not a contest that requires a winner. I’d happily go back to either spa as often as possible. My significant other and I divided our 10-day-long trip to Maui into two parts, spending the first segment about 30 minutes away from Wailea in the Kaanapali resort area, a more bustling strip of beach lined with mega-resorts. More crowded but less expensive, Kaanapali is an easy shot to the island’s most popular attractions.

We’d seen everything by the time we moved to Wailea on the quieter, southwestern shore, where the hotels are fewer and more spread out.

Our room, spacious and bright, with the ubiquitous lanai and an oversized marble bath with giant tub and separate shower, is ready when we check in late morning, which is a good thing. Even with a detour necessitated by my discovery of some well-priced Prada purses in the gift shop, I make it to the spa for my first appointment by 4 p.m. Unfortunately, that makes me 45 minutes late. I hadn’t read my schedule thoroughly and missed the fine print about showing up early for the Terme Wailea hydrotherapy circuit. Basically, the Terme is an upscale water park for grown-ups. The Terme is “what really sets us apart,” said Leiman, who recently left the spa.

The circuit (there are actually two, one in the women’s spa, one in the men’s) consists of several whirlpools and cold plunges, the requisite steam room and sauna and five specialty baths (mud, seaweed, tropical enzymes, aromatherapy and sea salts), each assigned its own healing property. Guests are free to dip in and out as often as they please, as long as they comply with the regulations on intermediary showers. No ordinary showers, these--the water comes at you from all sides at all levels, and on the highest setting it’s a bit like being on the receiving end of a fire hose. If falling water is your thing, there’s also the cascading waterfall shower. The Terme, which includes a brief luffa treatment, comes free with any spa treatment. (Alone, it’s $50 for hotel guests, $100 for others).

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At the point where you’re beginning to feel vaguely amphibian, an attendant appears and wraps you in a lush terry-cloth robe to escort you upstairs to the treatment rooms. The first afternoon, I keep it simple with a facial, performed in a bright room with a huge picture window overlooking the beach--a welcome change from the dark, windowless den in which such beauty rituals are normally performed.

On Day 2, I go for the Hawaiian sampler massage. According to Leiman, the spa tries to employ native practices and products as much as possible, thus massages often incorporate a technique called lomi lomi, or, as spa literature describes it, the “hula of massage.” My lomi-lomi session was administered masterfully by a masseur named Stephen.

Another uniquely Hawaiian treatment is the alii honey steam treatment--a massage with skin conditioner and a sea-salt exfoliation, after which you’re painted head to toe with honey and led to the steam room to steep awhile.

I missed that one, having opted instead for trial by hot oil. Obviously, since I’ve chosen to write about the experience, there were no gruesome results, though it must be said that in terms of pure sensual pleasure, I’ll go for Stephen and his lomi-lomi hands any day. While the oil--as promised--does not burn, there is the ongoing anxiety that it might (sort of like worrying the Novocain is going to wear off at the dentist).

And even if it is applied with a muslin herb pack, hot oil tends to give off an aroma that suggests the French fries and chicken are almost done. Overall, the treatment is almost hypnotic. By the end of the hour I am warm but tranquil and in no great hurry to go anywhere or do anything.

An hour later, my skin still has a soft glow, and I am ready to take on the world. Fortunate, since the plane taking me back to reality is leaving in a few hours. The best part, though, I discovered several days after my return, is that even though Ruppa was careful to play down the potential weight-reduction benefits of the siddha treatment, the scale showed a 2-pound weight loss. The only other time I’ve lost weight while traveling was when I got food poisoning in Paris. And compared to that, a little hot oil is a walk on the beach.

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Schuler is Newsday’s Style editor.

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GUIDEBOOK / Island-Bound

Getting there: United, Delta and American airlines offer daily nonstop flights to the island of Maui. The lowest current round-trip fare from Los Angeles is $442. Connecting service via Honolulu is also offered by Northwest or Hawaiian airlines.

Grand Wailea Resort: Rooms start at $380 a night for a garden view and go up to $495 for an ocean view; rooms in a more private wing of the hotel go for as high as $580.

The gym, a solid schedule of fitness classes and daily scuba clinics are free to guests, as are a series of behind-the-scene tours of the hotel (from the sprawling gardens to the impressive collection of museum-quality art). Extensive activities are similar to those at most beach resorts, ranging from diving, sailing and windsurfing classes to sunset sails and whale watching, all for additional fees.

It’s a good idea to book appointments at the spa and the nearby beauty salon before you arrive; telephone (800) SPA-1933 for a list of services and prices. Treatments range from $75 for a 25-minute massage or facial, to $350 for the 85-minute abhyanga-pizichili-shirodhara treatment. For non-guests, a number of full and half-day treatment sessions are available.

For more information: The toll-free number for reservations is (800) 888-6100; or dial direct at (808) 875-1234; fax (808) 874-2442.