Courting Trouble With Her Language

Protesting that her support payments should not be lowered, a woman filed a brief on her own behalf in the state Court of Appeal in L.A. asserting that her ex-husband “continually uses my gross income to calculate how much money I receive and then deducts my bills from the gross.” The woman followed with an unfortunate Freudian slip: “That results in inaccurate copulations.”

NO POLAR BEARS IN SIGHT, EITHER: Susan Coe of Torrance sent in a shot of some Girl Scouts who found a lake in the Angeles National Forest above Azusa where the ice is so thin you can’t even see it (see photo). Our thanks to Only in L.A. sleuths-in-training Wendy Chen, Mindy Young, Kimberly Lawrence, Lauren Kielty and Jamie Black.

CYBER LINGUIST WANTED: Phyllis Waggner of West Hollywood saw a job opening for an apartment manager “who must be fluent and literate in English, Russian & Windows 3.1.”

SOMETHING TO PHONE HOME ABOUT: At Holoworld, a virtualreality entertainment complex in Pasadena, the elevator panel indicates floors by E.T.-style fingers, going from one glowing digit to two glowing digits to? (see photo).

HATS OFF TO USC: It’s safe to say that college life was once a bit more formal at USC. Here are some “Trojan Traditions” listed in an early century student handbook:

* All students stand when “Alma Mater” is being sung. If outside, men remove their hats.

* Freshman women wear a green armband above the elbow on the left arm.

* Freshmen wear a certain type of hat, the kind and color and length of time during which they are to be worn to be specified by the Trojan Knights.

* Freshmen always carry their freshmen Bibles while on campus.

Freshman women is an odd phrase if you think about it.

BY THE NUMBERS: Did Unocal know about the renewed efforts of federal highway officials to extend the 710 Freeway through Pasadena? Christopher Brame points out that a company commercial shows a gas station attendant trying to count change when he is interrupted by someone asking, “Does the 710 run into the 210?” He answers, “Yes,’ as he continues his copulations, excuse me, computations.

miscelLAny

An MTA internal publication listing the agency’s “Top 10’Weird Rules’ ” for employees relates that one MTA policy requires completion of a telecommuting class before a worker may telecommute. Only problem is, the MTA offers no telecommuting class. What’s wrong with taking the bus to work anyway?

*

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.