Turns Out Now, Iron Mike Is a Swamp Rat

Mike Ditka admitted to some nostalgia when the former Bear coach returned to Chicago on Sunday as coach of the New Orleans Saints.

“You get a little melancholy when you see the [Chicago] skyline,” he said. “But, hey, I like [the New Orleans] skyline. I like the smell of that swamp water. I like those crawdaddies crawling around. I see those rattlers rolling around. I like that.”

Nothing like crawdaddies and rattlers to buoy a man’s spirit.

Trivia time: Who holds the NCAA Division I-A record for rushing average in a career?

Crib bias: Alan Truex of the Houston Chronicle reported that Colorado relief pitcher Steve Reed, a native of Los Angeles, was happy to see the Dodgers fold in the final days of the regular season.

“I hated the Dodgers from the day I was born,” Reed told Truex. “I think everybody in the league feels the same way about the Dodgers. They think they’re above everybody else.”

Putt, putt, etc.: Jack Hamm holds the Guinness record for for the world’s longest golf drive of 473 yards. But his short game can be like any other hacker’s.

Hamm said he played a round at Ohio’s Inverness Golf Club a few years back and a shot a two-over-par 74--with 43 putts.

“I drove eight greens. That was typical,” he said. “I’d get the ball up on the green and then play croquet with it--back and forth, back and forth.”

Upgraded: Cornerback Cris Dishman of the Washington Redskins, on his former team, the Tennessee Oilers: “The difference between the Redskins and Oilers is the difference between first class and third class.”

Or, gentle breeze: Headline in the San Diego Union-Tribune on Florida State’s 47-0 rout of Miami: “Hurricanes reduced to hot air.”

Invisible man: Napoleon Kaufman, Oakland Raider breakaway running back, says his 5-foot 9-inch height is an advantage: “Sometimes people can’t see me. They don’t even know where I am, and I can break through there. It’s kind of like shooting a bullet through an apple.”

Sunday, however, the San Diego Chargers saw him just fine--holding him to 13 yards in 11 carries.

Pitching rut: Preacher Roe, a standout Brooklyn Dodger pitcher once said, “I got three pitches--my change, my change off my change, and my change off my change off my change.”

Looking back: On this day in 1916, Georgia Tech routed Cumberland College, 222-0, in the most lopsided college football game ever played.

Looking back again: On this day in 1944, the Cardinals defeated the Browns, 5-1, in the fourth game of the only all-St. Louis World Series, won by the Cardinals in six games.

Trivia answer: Ed Marinaro of Cornell, 174.6 yards from 1969 to 1971.

And finally: Raider safety Lorenzo Lynch on trying to stop San Diego wide receiver Tony Martin: “Tattoo him. Get him down. Pull a Mike Tyson on him. Pull his helmet off and bite his ear off.”