Laugh Lines

America Online’s new package should make it easier to use, says Kenny Noble Cortes. “What is it? Call waiting?”

* The Los Angeles Philharmonic has hired a new European managing director. “Willem Wijnbergen said, ‘I don’t know L.A. apart from earthquakes and riots and Rolls-Royces.’ Hey Willem, just add face lifts, cafe lattes and losing baseball teams, and you’ve got it nailed.” (Jerry Perisho)

* “The San Francisco house where the Grateful Dead once lived wasn’t sold at auction after all,” says Argus Hamilton. “It didn’t get the minimum $990,000 bid. The house lost $2 million off its street value when some idiot vacuumed the rugs.”

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