Beast From the East

“It’s a Home Depot for the belly,” exclaimed one gleeful friend. “I’ve never seen a menu this big,” said another.

We were at the new Jerry’s Famous Deli, among throngs of deli-starved O.C. residents. There are many things to relish about this gargantuan eating palace, and not just the half-sour pickles. Jerry’s is, by a wide margin, the nearest Orange County has to an authentic East Coast deli.

The decor doesn’t let you forget Jerry’s roots for a New York minute. It’s bathed in the glow of stage lights arranged around the exposed ceiling ducts. Broadway posters add theatrical panache. A catwalk runs the length of the ceiling to give the thrilling illusion of being backstage, though its actual function is to conceal an immense air-conditioning system.

Most seating is in colorful but cramped red vinyl booths in the wildly noisy dining room. I prefer the umbrella tables on the patio, where there’s a little more space and a lot more quiet.

If the ambience seems overwhelming, it’s nothing compared to the sensory onslaught of a big-time deli counter. The main counter, just to the left of the front entrance, is stocked--make that jammed--with piles of smoked fish, cooked meats, condiments and composed salads.

Directly behind the counter are shelves bursting with rye bread, bagels, onion rolls. Heavily frosted cakes, eclairs and cream-topped pies are displayed in an 8-foot-high cylindrical case with revolving shelves.

Once you’re seated, the waiter will bring a metal dish of sauerkraut and good pickled tomatoes, red peppers and half-sours. I could easily make a meal of them and a few slices of Jerry’s crusty New York-style rye, and I’m sure some people have done so. But with a menu this big (I stopped counting at 300 items), that would be like going to the Louvre to check out the washrooms.

Hearty eaters might venture an appetizer--say, a knish. Jerry’s wins the local knish sweepstakes hands down. The restaurant flies in these beauties--flaky turnovers stuffed with ground meat, mashed potatoes or minced vegetables--fresh from the East Coast. My favorite is the meat knish, densely packed with mildly spiced ground beef. It’s a cardiologist’s nightmare, even without the brown gravy served with it.

The lunch crowd goes big for smoked fish appetizers, and Jerry’s carries a mighty array of them--not only various kinds of herring and lox but also sable and lake sturgeon. One day I couldn’t resist the idea of smoked lake sturgeon, so I dove right in. The fish was buttery and very smoky, but oddly (for this place) insubstantial, served in razor-thin slices.

Then I attacked a pastrami sandwich. Jerry’s uses lean, spicy steamed pastrami with a peppery crust. It isn’t the soulful hand-cut sandwich you’d get in Manhattan, but it does taste authentic, and don’t worry about not getting enough. Another day I tried the corned beef--nicely lean but not as moist as the pastrami.

I’ve also had the brisket, which was terribly dry (it crumbled when I tried to cut it). The biggest surprise was something called pastramied turkey, which I had in a Reuben sandwich with Swiss cheese and sauerkraut. This is a great product. It tastes almost exactly like pastrami, but without the fat.

Soups come with bagel chips--a nice touch. The menu tells us that the chicken matzo ball was rated No. 1 in L.A., but it doesn’t say by whom. By me, this is just an average matzo ball soup, with a standard-intensity chicken broth and a matzo ball distinguished more for its size than its texture.

The mushroom barley soup is delicious when you order it in a pot filled with tender beef short ribs. The kreplach soup--a little chicken broth and a lot of a doughy meat dumplings--is bland. I recommend getting fried kreplach instead, with sour cream, caramelized onions and more brown gravy. The menu lists fried kreplach under the appetizers, ha ha.

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No two ways about it, this food can be unforgivingly heavy. Potato pirogen mruvka are sort of potato-stuffed ravioli. Stuffed kishka is a fat sausage casing bursting with a filling of carrots, flour and chicken fat.

But there are options for light eaters. Plenty of salads, for instance, such as a refreshing chopped salad of carrots, garbanzos, bell peppers and cheese. The Greek salad has rather a lot of feta in it, but I do like the surprising multicultural choice of anchovies or herring as the topping.

There are literally dozens of entrees, such as a bland, sweet stuffed cabbage, short ribs (woefully overcooked, I fear) and slightly dried-out rotisserie chicken. Chicken in the pot is a huge crock of stewed chicken, kreplach and matzo balls; a large portion of muddled flavors.

Cholent, which I call Jewish cassoulet, is loaded with flavor. It’s barley and beans baked with yams, kishka, dumplings and beef short ribs. When I tell you that four people won’t be able to finish an order, I am not exaggerating.

For you, a little dessert, maybe?

The strawberry cheesecake is properly light; the gaudy chocolate eclairs are more custard than pastry. I’d avoid the sugary seven-layer chocolate cake and the ponderous prune-filled cookies called hamantaschen in favor of the towering, surprisingly delicious macaroons.

Home Depot, move over. There is a new superstore in the neighborhood.

Jerry Famous Deli is moderately priced. Appetizers are $3.95 to $12.95. Sandwiches are $3.95 to $11.75. Entrees are $7.50 to $13.95.

BE THERE

Jerry’s Famous Deli, 3210 Park Center Drive, Costa Mesa. (714) 662-3354. 6 a.m.-1 p.m. Sunday-Thursday, 24 hours Friday and Saturday. All major cards.