Punch Lines

Jacko Not So Wacko: It’s been a bad week for singers. Tommy Lee is going to jail. George Michael, arrested for his little thing there. Who’d ever think that the rock star with the most normal sex life is, like, Michael Jackson. (Jay Leno)

I Want Your Rehab: If convicted, pop singer George Michael could get jail time, be fined and then ordered to enter the Hugh Grant Center for Stupid Celebrities. (Jerry Perisho)

Tripping Over Seinfeld: The cast of Seinfeld has taped its final episode. But despite efforts to keep it secret, Linda Tripp taped the show and turned it over to Kenneth Starr. (Premiere Radio)

No More New Tattoos: Sonny Bono’s widow, Mary, has won the election to fill her husband’s congressional seat. She vowed to fight for less spending, lower taxes and fewer tattoos on Cher. (The Daily Scoop)

Don’t Cut the Cake: Villagers are flocking to a town in eastern Mexico to see a picture of the Virgin Mary that appeared on a cake. No word yet on whether the pope will declare it an Immaculate Confection. (Axel W. Kyster)

Now, That Would Be Quite a Catch: Lotto fever gripped Californians this week. Rumor has it that Dodger catcher Mike Piazza won the $102-million jackpot but turned it down. He’s holding out for $115 million. (Perisho)

Take a Right: Rush Limbaugh was inducted into the National Assn. of Broadcasters Hall of Fame. He attended the ceremonies for his installation and to dedicate the hall’s new right wing. (Gary Easley)

Not Off the Cuff: Jerry Springer’s producers want to cut down on the show’s fistfights. So they’ve decided when guests arrive, they’ll just leave their handcuffs on. (Dennis Blair)

*

Doing the Bunny Hop with David Letterman:

Top 10 signs you’ve hired a bad Easter bunny:

10. For an Easter Bunny, he sure has a lot of stories about being in prison.

2. Cuts off own foot, then gives it to you and assures you that “this will bring you good luck.”

1. Two words: three ears.

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