Shot Heard ‘Round the World Ricochets Into ‘Dallas’ Again

You’d think J.R. Ewing would have learned by now that what goes around comes around. But on reruns, people never learn from history; they just keep making those same mistakes, “Groundhog Day”-style.

So it goes for J.R., who, thanks to syndication, gets to keep sinning but has to keep getting shot in what was a season-finale cliffhanger on “Dallas” in 1980.

In “A House Divided” (Friday at 8 a.m. and 4 and 8 p.m. on TNN), J.R. (Larry Hagman) has double-crossed his oil cartel pals: He sold them Asian oil leases, knowing the industry was about to be taken over by the government. That makes a couple of the boys mad enough to kill him.

He’s told his young rival in evil, lawyer Alan Beam (Randolph Powell), that if he doesn’t get out of town he’ll have him arrested for a crime that was never committed. Alan’s cohort, Kristin Shepard (Mary Crosby), is pretty mad too, because J.R.--her lover--has had his cop friends put out a warrant for her arrest on prostitution charges. “I’ll kill him. I swear, I’ll kill him,” she tells Alan. “Take a number,” he says.

J.R. makes Cliff Barnes (Ken Kercheval) madder than usual. No sooner has Cliff won through the courts the right to half the profits of the oil field that his father was cheated out of than J.R. shuts down those wells, just to spite Cliff. Cliff stands at his daddy’s grave and swears he’ll get even.

Bobby Ewing (Patrick Duffy) wants to leave South Fork because brother J.R. has gone too far this time. That upsets his ma, Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes), who nevertheless doesn’t want to kill J.R. Her lip quivers and she gets teary-eyed, but that’s it.

It’s Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) who has the best reason to want J.R. dead. He’s going to put her in a sanitarium. So she grabs a gun. When she grits her teeth--the way only Sue Ellen can--and those eyebrows dart up, you know she means business.

At the end of the hour, somebody has shot J.R.

In 1980, “Dallas” fans had to wait months to find out who shot J.R. Through the miracle of syndication, you only have to wait until April 30.

DETAILS, DETAILS: Who originally played “Dallas” character Digger Barnes (and was succeeded by Keenan Wynn in the role), and what was Digger’s given name? Answers next week. The answer to last week’s quiz (What short-lived, early-’60s prime-time cartoon was patterned after “The Phil Silvers Show”?): “Top Cat.”

Set Your VCR

Unfortunately for Lucy, it takes two to tango--and all her pockets are filled with eggs. That smashing scene from “I Love Lucy” (Monday at 11:30 a.m. on KTTV Channel 11) got a 65-second laugh--the longest ever recorded for the show.

The murder victim on a 1960 “Perry Mason” episode (Wednesday at 3 a.m. on KTTV Channel 11) is silent-film idol Francis X. Bushman (whose best known role was that of Messala in 1926’s “Ben-Hur”).

In a “Mr. Ed” marathon from 5 p.m. Saturday to 3 a.m. on the TV Land cable channel, Ed writes to Dear Abby (midnight), meets Zsa Zsa Gabor (7 p.m.) and goes to college (2:30 a.m.).

TNN will air “The Waltons” weekdays at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. beginning Monday. The series starts with John Boy’s first hunting trip.

Luke and Bo help Cale Yarborough outwit two brothers trying to keep him from entering a race on “The Dukes of Hazzard” (Tuesday at 1 and 9 p.m. on TNN).