Should the County Also Grade Thieves?

You’ve heard of restaurant customers walking off with the silverware. But what about stealing the “A” placard issued by the county health department? It happened one night at Poquito Mas in Westwood.

The would-be thieves, a respectable-looking couple, were spotted by an employee. They said it was all a joke, handed back the card and left. But a few days later, the sign was successfully stolen from the Westwood Boulevard eatery.

“I don’t know if it’s someone trying to hurt our business or someone who wanted to put it up in their own restaurant,” said owner Kevin McCarney, who filed a police report. He noted that the signs are “not numbered, coded or personalized.”

A health department spokeswoman said such incidents occur “every so often, but there hasn’t been a rash of thefts.” She added that the signs aren’t personalized because they’re recycled “to save taxpayer money.”

MORE ON MAS: Scott Campbell of Westwood, who dined in Poquito Mas after it received a replacement card, notes that the new “A” is “posted high in the rafters, about two or three feet above the door. Maybe Shaquille O’Neal could reach it, but I don’t think anyone else could.”

LEADED OR UNLEADED? While we’re on the subject of food, Christine Geltz of Monrovia found a truck that required unusual fuel, some grown-ups who are presumably “A”-rated (see photo).

IT’S ALL DOWNHILL: Andrea Calhoun of L.A. and Brent Bennett of Rolling Hills Estates each spotted a real estate flier with an uninviting property description (see accompanying).

The blurb was supposed to say “Malibu Landside,” real estate-speak for non-beachfront property.

AFTER EL NINO--WHAT? Well, you didn’t think we’d be able to relax, did you?

Three months ago, I reported that pest control specialist Mike Cooley of Thousand Oaks posted this warning on the side of his truck: “Killer bee update: They are 89 miles south of Los Angeles.”

I called Cooley for an update on the update. “They are 61 miles east of Los Angeles,” he said.

Hmmm. First, they’re to the south, then they’re to the east. Who knows? Maybe they’re headed toward Laughlin, Nev., to do battle with the grasshoppers.

Whatever, remember the killer bee tip on Cooley’s truck: “If attacked, run fast in a zigzag pattern.”

The same pattern, in other words, that L.A. drivers use on their way to work.

IS THERE A CELL PHONE DIVISION? Peter Mogg came upon a reader survey in a magazine that cited a new sport (see accompanying).

And he couldn’t help but think that, unless you’ve trained diligently to get your fingers into condition for telemarketing competition, “pushing those phone buttons can get pretty tiring.”

Actually, Mogg added, “I think they meant ‘telemarking,’ a style of cross-country skiing.”

AND, FOR GOD’S SAKE, DON’T DRIVE ANY HEAVY MACHINERY! A colleague picked up a phenobarbital prescription for her Yorkshire terrier, Chloe, and noticed that the bottle carried this warning for her hound:

“Do not drink alcoholic beverages when taking this medication.”

miscelLAny:

In a Hollywood restaurant, Al Hix saw a sign that said, “Try our Cinco de Mayo Special,” and wondered if, for dieters, the restaurant would agree to hold the mayo.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053. No telemarketers, please.