Refuse to Schmooze and You Lose

It’s Friday night, and one of your fellow workers is having a get-together for a departing colleague. You haven’t shown up at any other work parties all year, and once again you opt out in favor of something you enjoy more, like “Matlock” reruns or house cleaning.

You might not realize it, workplace experts say, but routinely ditching corporate gatherings like these could ultimately jeopardize your career.

“In order to get on the game board and be a valid player, one must be good at forming relationships. Corporate schmoozing is one way to do that,” says Susan Osborn, a Sacramento-based consultant and author of “The System Made Me Do It! A Life-Changing Approach to Office Politics.”

As 17th century philosopher Benedict Spinoza said, “Man is a social animal.” And, like it or not, people are judged on their ability to adapt and thrive in social situations.

At most offices, Osborn says, being perceived as a team player or a likable person is even more important than actual job performance.

Attending such functions as picnics, going-away parties, baby showers and company outings is one of the best, and simplest, ways to demonstrate company loyalty and turn co-workers into allies.

“Office politics exist because of issues of trust. By going [to these parties], it’s like saying, ‘You people are important to me,’ ” says Jerald Jellison, a social psychology professor at USC.

In Asia, corporate sporting events, banquets and happy hours are mandatory obligations, experts say. But here in the U.S., many workers view such corporate soirees as an exercise in false bonhomie, a distasteful game of jockeying for position.

Employees must remember that the workplace is not a democracy, Osborn says, and office politics are a normal state of affairs. Ingratiating yourself with your boss and fellow workers can protect you from being passed over for promotions, pay raises and high-profile projects. Even more important, it can help preserve your job when times are tight and the company is downsizing.

“You want to make sure you keep your name in front of the right people,” says Tara Levine, director of research and advisory services for Catalyst, a women’s corporate leadership organization. “Networking is very important to advancing your career.”

In other words, don’t overlook in-house networking in your rush to pass out business cards to strangers. Levine says some of life’s most powerful career connections are made over co-worker lunches, after-work beers or off-site gatherings.

A 1996 Catalyst survey found that 49% of 1,250 top-ranking female executives said they felt their careers were hindered by exclusion from informal networks of communication in their company--which are often cultivated in casual gatherings.

One corporate controller in the survey recalls going to the company’s chairman to confront him about promoting only males into senior management. “You tend to hire and promote the person that you know,” the controller told the company head. “You guys get to play golf [together].”

In fact, some of the men had been hitting the links together for as long as two decades, so male candidates invariably had an advantage over female candidates for top slots at the company. Attending corporate events can help women break into these “old-boy” networks.

Nancy Baxter, a vice president and portfolio manager at Scudder Kemper Investments Inc., says she sometimes collects stock tips and client referrals at off-site parties, like the softball game and barbecue her company hosts every year.

“You can often pick up more information than in a more formal work setting,” she says.

Baxter and other new employees at Scudder Kemper are called on to organize many of these company parties, on the premise that it helps them integrate with the rest of the team.

If family or social obligations leave little time for this kind of off-the-clock team building, experts suggest popping in to a party for at least 30 to 45 minutes and then giving a good excuse for leaving.

“Make it clear you’ve got other plans. When you put it in terms of friends and family obligations, people understand,” Osborn said.

If the party requires a gift, such as a birthday present or shower gift, don’t get caught up in one-upmanship and overspend, Osborn cautions. Instead, get a small gift like a book and make your impression by writing an original message, joke or poem on the card.

And while you’re there, make the most of your time. Introduce yourself to people and mingle. Osborn recommends putting together a “personal marketing plan,” or list of ideas you have for improving things at work, just in case the conversation turns in that direction. But don’t push the topic of work, she adds.

Jellison takes that concept a step further, suggesting that you prepare a 30-minute pitch about something you’ve just finished and how it relates to the goals of the organization. Be ready to describe a project you’re starting that you need help with. When people ask you, “What’s happening?” you will have a ready answer.

He also advises younger employees to observe higher-ups and bosses at these parties for clues not only on how to act, but also on whom to talk to and befriend. “Watch what they do and listen to what they talk about,” he said.

Finally, experts say, there are some hard-and-fast party rules to always follow at corporate events. First, and perhaps most important, experts say: Don’t drink.

“Things happen when your defenses get loosened up, even a little bit,” Osborn said. Tipsy people accidentally take potshots at colleagues, criticize projects and ham it up too much.

Next, don’t be too familiar. That means staying out of people’s personal space, not being flirtatious and not confiding those hair-raising family stories.

And, like any other good party guest, personally say goodbye to your host and his or her spouse. If food or drinks were served, send a thank-you note after the event, even if it’s just an e-mail saying what a nice time you had.

“It really gives you a leg up,” Osborn says.