Emerging from the Darkness

A year has passed since his father died.

Sam Benner has filled much of the time with sweat and strain. He has lifted weights to add muscle to his 6-foot-5 frame. He has run countless drills to make his 270-pound body more nimble.

“Paying my dues,” he said.

A smile crosses his face when he talks about his life as a football player. Such is a lineman’s delight, the prospect of physical contact, the smack of shoulder pads.

“The collisions,” he said. “I guess I’m one of those trench guys.”

This season Benner is expected to assume the starting role at defensive end for Stanford. He has worked long and hard to prepare himself.

But muscle and speed go only so far. Over the last year, Benner has discovered another kind of strength that a young man--even a hulking 20-year-old--gains when he loses his dad.

“It was a completely crushing experience,” he said. “There were times when it didn’t seem it would get any easier.”

*

A year has passed since the funeral.

Ron Benner was liked and respected in Ventura, so the service was packed. He died unexpectedly, at age 50, of a heart attack. His son was home from freshman year at Stanford.

Sam looked strong as a rock, Jon Mack recalled. Mack had been his coach at St. Bonaventure High.

“His grieving was very, very private,” Mack said. “He kept it that way.”

But the coach figured the brave face would hold up only so long. He knew the son was extremely close to his father.

“There had to be a down time,” Mack said.

Not that anyone expected Benner to come undone. This was a diligent young man, the kind who always wanted to make himself better.

Better at football. Better at school.

As one of the best athletes in St. Bonaventure history, he drew national attention to the small Catholic campus. Mack always mentioned Benner’s 3.3 grade-point average when recruiters came to call.

“I told them Sam was the kind of guy you’d want to date your daughter,” Mack said. “I told Stanford that he was the kind of guy they could send to fund-raisers or to visit little kids in the hospital.”

Still, in the weeks and months after the funeral, Mack worried. He talked with Benner.

“It’s the dark times when you are questioning where you’re at,” Mack said. “That was when Sam would lean on his dad and suddenly his dad wasn’t there.”

A young man so private and proud might have taken Mack’s concern the wrong way. He might have rejected it as pity. Benner knew better.

“I took it as love,” he said. “He was showing me that he cared for me.”

*

A year has passed since Benner returned to Stanford a changed man.

It was a time of sadness, of days and nights when the pain seemed bigger than any opposing lineman. He said: “It really does turn your life upside down.”

He was facing another season on the sideline, another season of tutelage behind All-American Kailee Wong and senior Bryan Werner. But he had a coach who knew what to do.

By sad coincidence, Phil Zacharias lost his father at about the same time.

“It’s very tough,” the defensive ends coach said. “Some guys could fall apart in that situation.”

Instead of coddling the young lineman, Zacharias pushed him even harder. He challenged Benner to lift his level of play. He wanted Benner to learn a life lesson.

“It was something we had in common,” Benner said. “Instead of somebody just putting me through the motions, Coach Zacharias got me up and got me going.”

There were hard days. Maybe the coach noticed the player “hang-dogging” at practice now and then. Maybe he pushed too hard at times. Eventually, though, something clicked.

As Benner emerged from the shadow of his father’s death, he also emerged on the field. It was a combination of growing physically and emotionally, of learning Stanford’s defensive scheme to the point where he could play instinctively.

“He took off,” Zacharias said.

Benner began exerting his strength at the line of scrimmage, holding his ground long enough to read the play and make the tackle. Run defense became his forte. He learned how to fill the gap.

“I was getting stronger,” Benner said. “I was feeling more comfortable on the field.”

Zacharias had always known Benner was talented. He saw an even larger victory.

“That’s part of the game--you can’t fall apart,” he said. “This game gives you the strength to deal with life’s hurdles.”

*

A year has passed since Christine Benner lost her husband.

“He was a great man,” she said. “He was so full of life.”

As a wife, she was in shock. As a mother, she watched to see how her children would react.

“I don’t think it has set us back,” she said. “We all tried not to have it be that way.”

Her daughter, Amanda, has become an athlete in her own right. Tall and thin like her mother, she is on the varsity track and basketball teams at St. Bonaventure.

Sam has flourished at Stanford, and not just on the football field.

“Sam’s real complicated,” Christine said. “He is a very introspective man, but at the same time he loves to dance and he writes poetry and laughs at jokes.”

Christine encourages him to be a renaissance man. She is pleased that he is writing music with his buddies, even if much of it is rap. Mack considers this one of Sam’s few weaknesses: “I give him Beatles CDs.”

Christine considers it a sign of maturation: “He wouldn’t have been bold enough to do that a couple of years ago.”

And football continues to be a rallying point for the family, as it had been when Ron was alive.

“He loved football,” she said. “He loved watching Sam play.”

Sam said: “He’s been there for every step of my life.”

So the family tradition endures. Sam chose Stanford in part because of its proximity to Southern California. Christine and Amanda drive north on autumn weekends to attend games.

“My daughter and I have spent innumerable hours in stadiums,” she said. “Football is an important part of our lives because it is important to Sam.”

*

A year has passed.

“It’s hard not to let things affect your life,” Benner said. “But there is a time when you have to move forward.”

It is time for the redshirt sophomore to fulfill the potential he showed as one of the state’s best high school linemen.

Stanford will need him to step up. The Cardinal lost 22 lettermen from last season and has only three returning starters on defense. Coach Tyrone Willingham has called upon each young player to “make the transition from being a reserve to someone we expect to be a leader.”

Benner said he has already made a transition. Zacharias could not agree more.

“I wouldn’t be putting him in the fire if I didn’t think he was ready,” the assistant coach said. “I feel really good about where he is heading.”

The only thing missing is Ron Benner. He will not be cheering from the stands when Stanford opens its season against San Jose State on Sept. 5.

Sam would like to think that, somehow, his dad is sharing in the moment.

“I feel that he’s still around,” he said. “I feel that he’s keeping an eye on me.”

And Sam knows that, a year later, there is still so much left in his life.

“Which is my football,” he said. “Which are my friends and family.”