If You Can’t Hit the Rock, You Can Still Talk the Talk

As golf’s popularity rises, the demographics of the sport are drastically changing. This is especially evident in the language of the game.

An infusion of younger players has introduced slang into the stodgy vernacular of golf.

To help talk your way around the course, here’s a guide to hip links lingo that will make it easier to sound like you know what you’re talking about:

The Big Tour--The PGA Tour. Also known as the Big Boys’ Tour. Professional golfers can play mini-tours. These are the minor leagues of professional golf and can be found across the nation. The triple-A of golf is the Nike Tour, on which a player can automatically qualify for the Big Tour by finishing in the top 15 money winners.

Example: You and I probably have a better chance of hitting the lottery than we do of playing on the Big Tour.

Track--A golf course.

Example: “Boy, the track is fast today.”

The number--The score it takes to make the cut. However, this is not referred to in actual scores. It is referred to in number of strokes in relation to par. It can be confusing sometimes, because if the number is low--say, one or two--it’s hard to distinguish whether that means under par or over par.

But the players in tournaments that have cuts understand. That’s why they are in those tournaments.

Example: “Hey, what’s the number?” “It’s four.” “Did you make it?” “Right on the number, baby!”

Grinding--Working excessively hard to make par without reaching the green in regulation; getting out of trouble.

Example: “I just kept grinding until I started hitting better shots.”

Good stick--A good golfer. Golf clubs are commonly known as sticks. A good player is one who swings his sticks well.

Example: “That Mark O’Meara is a good stick.”

A lot of game--The ability to hit any shot. Need a 280-yard drive down the middle with a slight left-to-right fade? Need a low, running three-iron punch shot with a draw to get out of the trees? Need a winding, downhill 18-foot birdie putt? No problem, if you have a lot of game.

Example: “That Peter Yoon has a lot of game.”

A million--A high score. For top players, this usually means anything over 75. For everyone else, it’s anything over 90.

Example: “I shot a million today, two more strokes and I shoot a million and a half.”

Rock--Ball. Becoming common in sports other than golf.

Example: “I was stroking the rock pretty good today.”

Paint job--A putt that rolls to the hole, hits the cup and caroms out. This used to be called lipping out, but it has evolved to paint job because it has hit the cup, which is painted white inside on the pro tours to show up on TV.

Example: “If not for a paint job on 17, I would’ve shot the number.”

Cellophane bridge--A putt that seemingly rolls over the hole without going in.

Example: “My putts kept crossing the cellophane bridge.”

Pure--The best it can be. This term can be applied to anything in golf: clubs, courses, clothes, green conditions, but is usually associated with shots that hit the center of the sweet spot upon contact. It is routinely modified a verb, pured.

Example: “We were playing that pure track down south and I pured a three-wood from 240 yards and reached the green in two. Then I pured my putt and the greens were so pure it rolled straight into the cup for eagle. That was pure!”

Trunk slammer--When a player doesn’t make the cut in a tournament, he will throw his clubs into the trunk of his car, slam it shut and burn rubber out of the parking lot.

Example: “Hey, what did you shoot today?” “Trunk slammer.” Screeeeeech.

Lateral--A bad shot that goes sideways. Some call this a shank, but those who don’t want to use the s-word say lateral.

Example: “I was 150 yards out and I hit a lateral and ended up with a bogey.”

Throw up--To blow a lead in the late stages of a tournament. This used to be called choking.

Example: “I had a four-stroke lead with three holes to play, then I threw up all over myself and lost by a stroke.”

Chop--Anyone who plays golf, but is not familiar with all of the aforementioned terms.

Example: A chop is neither a good stick nor has a lot of game. A chop struggles, he doesn’t grind. A chop never throws up because he is never in contention.